


From what I've tasted of desire.

by 100percentjazzedtomeetyou



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Slow Burn, THIS HAS BECOME SUPER SLOW BURN SORRY, also, also trigger warning for, and it will be fluffy between them i promise, basically how it all should have gone down, but cheryl needs help and love, cheronica, i'm not sure about other relationships, many hugs, possibly later, post ep 13 suicide attempt, starts from ep 13, this is not the most fun sounding fic, trigger warning, we'll see how it goes, without everyone abandoning cheryl for songs and milkshakes and sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2018-11-02 17:04:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 29,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10948923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/100percentjazzedtomeetyou/pseuds/100percentjazzedtomeetyou
Summary: *ON HIATUS - LOVE THIS FIC TOO MUCH TO GIVE UP BUT MAY TAKE TIME THANK U FOR BEING KIND*Beginning in the middle of the s1 finale, Veronica doesn't go to the Jubilee. This tracks the difficult but hopeful relationship of Veronica and Cheryl as they navigate the drama in their own families and friendships, while figuring out who they are, what they want, and what they deserve, both together and apart.





	1. In warmth.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! Just a quick note about some of the things that won't be in this - Fred Andrews getting shot wont be happening. Archie and Veronica still kind of have their thing (but not really, like it'll be done by Ch3). Pretty sure everything else is kinda canon, but let me know if you think I've missed something/anything doesn't make sense. Thanks so much for reading!

The water had felt like slamming into cement, like when you trip and fall and can’t brace yourself in time, when you’re dropped by an unstable base in a routine, like a trap door being opened up beneath you, but what Cheryl imagines it would feel like from 20 feet higher. It was sweeping and pushed against her skin, constricting, burning, like those stupid videos where someone heats up a knife until its red hot and sees what it’ll melt to nothing. She can still feel it biting now, nibbling against her extremities. The last thing she had seen was Veronica. Veronica’s eyes across that river, wide and doe-like as always, but scared she thinks, there was something in them, something there.  
  
She chose Veronica for a reason, to be the one to try with, she tried to get out words in the cafeteria, she almost had it. Veronica had tried twice, the locker room and then there, making her think just maybe… maybe. So she chose Veronica, and maybe one tiny part of her was hoping for one last try, for some hint of someone not giving up on her yet. Someone not hating her for just existing, just walking into a room, down a hallway, a flight of stairs. Someone who cared, like Jason had once, she wanted that again.  
They were in a car now, after the flashes of blue and white and visions of Jason and that strange group of murder mystery cohorts that somehow seemed to always be there. She was in the back of an escalade, she knew it was an escalade because she’d seen Veronica climb in and out of it like the most regal thing every other weekday, especially since the snow had started. Smithers, she thinks that was his name, was driving. It was just her and Veronica now, feeling miles from Smithers in the front, with the radio humming quietly, a low murmuring of a deep voice rounding up the news of the day.  
  
It had taken her a while to come back to her senses, time and the warmth of Veronica that she realised she was wrapped in when she had come to. They were pushed up against the window, Veronica sitting with her back against the seat and Cheryl curled sideways over her lap. Veronica was cradling her like a sleeping baby, one arm round her back, the other keeping her bent knees close to her, head tucked to her neck.  
Her hold was delicate but strong and all Cheryl could think in that hazy moment filled with the smokey bonfire scent trapped in Veronica’s hair, was that that was a perfect way to describe the girl whose arms she was in. Delicate, but strong, she always had to be strong, for her friends, for her mother, father, gosh anyone, they all put their weight on her but didn’t seem to even care. Veronica was so strong, but she was delicate, could be broken so easily, and Cheryl was almost certain behind the closed bedroom door, she was. It was something they had in common, that’s for sure. She almost chuckled to herself in response to that thought despite it all, but it manifested as another violent shiver instead.  
  
“Hey, hey Cher, you’re up, you’re okay” Veronica whispered to her, “are you feeling alright? Does it hurt anywhere? We’re going back to my place, but we can go to the hospital if you need?” she started trying to sit up a little, “Did you want to go home? I don’t know, we can go anywhere you need I don’t care, wherever, maybe we should probably go to the hospital though I mean it was freezing, like literally, someone should check you over, damnit we should have just gone with Archi-“  
“Veronica.” Cheryl quietly cut her off, “Your house is fine. Thank you.” Her voice was hoarse, her throat had been rinsed with subzero river water and that kind of gargling doesn't exactly do a world of good, but as timid as she was, it did the trick. With a whispered ‘ok’ Veronica settled and pulled her back close to her again, a little tighter this time.

It was dark when they finally made their way out of the car and up the stairs to the Lodge residence. Winter days and all that. It felt like she’d been awake for days by this point, and maybe she had, Cheryl couldn’t really tell anymore, lately the days had blurred together washed with a gentle kind of sadness that had come to be a fixture in her life a little after Jason was gone. Veronica had left Smithers at the door, thanking him before making their way inside. She told Cheryl to sit down, gesturing toward the white fur rug in front fireplace whilst she busied herself lighting it up, placing a throw that had been on the coach over Cheryl’s shoulders before she did so. It was quiet between them, a little tense if Cheryl leaned into the silence of it all a bit too much, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Then again, she didn’t feel as if she was as present she could have been in the moment to critique it all that deeply. She didn’t realise how very ‘not present’ she was, drawn into and lost in the flames, until Veronica was kneeling down beside her with a careful but slightly overdone smile and a steaming mug.  
  
She was greeted with a soft “hey” and a tilt of her head to try and catch Cheryl’s eye.  
“Hot chocolate? Wish a little splash of peppermint liqueur” she teased lightly.  
“Thank you” Cheryl gave her a little smile of her own, neither really sure of what they were doing.  
“No problem” Veronica responded.  
  
Veronica kept her gaze a little longer, until Cheryl turned her head slightly to blow on the mug she was now holding. She could still feel Veronica’s eyes on her though and a conflicting kind of feeling passed over her, one that jolted her into realising just how much everything had really changed. She had gone from a girl who wanted nothing but eyes on her, from her classmates to her family, just to be seen, to now, where she was caught between wanting everyone, including Veronica, to look away forever or to do nothing but turn back and stare into those eyes alone for as long as she could. Sure, there was sympathy in them, and Cheryl hated that, but there was also a warmth that she hadn’t found elsewhere, not yet, well, not since Jason at least, but once he had found Polly even that had dampened a little too.  
  
“Are you warm enough?” Veronica’s voice broke off her train of thought before she got too lost in it. She moved behind her rubbing her hands over her shoulders, pulling the throw closer, ever so slightly leaning her weight onto Cheryl’s back. She was just about to answer when Hermione Lodge ungracefully threw open the door bringing a drunken air of anger with her.  
“What is she doing here?” Hermione drawled and Veronica was up and making her way towards her mother instantaneously.  
“She got in an accident.” Cheryl heard Veronica whisper, “And she needed help. So I brought her here”.  
  
At one point in time this would have made perfect sense, a few months ago when Hermione Lodge’s house was a safe haven for someone who had nowhere else to go, a Switzerland between the warring families of the Coopers and Blossoms. But now it was different, Veronica had sensed a change in her mother, a number of changes actually, ever since the trial. Since she tried to stand up for what she thought was good and right and once again shit hit the fan and things got increasingly strained between them. And though a house full of spiteful sarcasm was common for the Lodge’s, it wasn’t normally directed toward each other. Now, however, since it was news that her father would be coming home it was a different story, a big change, everything had to be perfect and happy and loving, and Hermione had been so wrapped up in this idea of pleasing her husband that every part of it with Veronica had become fake along the way.  
  
“I’ll just warm up and go home”. Cheryl chimed in, not wanting to be the cause of any more tension, but the tears behind her voice were poorly disguised.  
“Fine Ronnie, let’s go, I’ll give you a ride to the Jubilee.” was Hermione’s only response after a pointed look at Cheryl, honing in on exactly how pathetic she was feeling right now.  
“I’m not going to the Jubilee, Lady Macbeth. Come on Cheryl”. Veronica replied, walking back over to her and ushering her up.  
“What do you mean you’re not going Veronica? The whole town, the mayor, will be there and we have a reputation to upkeep.” Hermione paused, looking back and forth between the two girls, “Cheryl looks warm enough to call herself a cab”.  
“She’s not going anywhere! And I don’t know what you mean about any kind of upkeep, because the Lodge name has such a positive ring to it in Riverdale right now” Veronica scoffed, “there are more important things, Mother. Cheryl needs to stay here tonight, and I don’t need to go sing another song with Archie, as much as I know it would kill you to not have that little part of your plan wrapped around your finger”, she punctuated her retort with an eye roll and took hold of Cheryl’s hand tugging her out of the room before Hermione could get in another word.


	2. In time.

Veronica’s room was dark, but turning on a light didn’t seem like the right choice to either of them. So Veronica went for candles instead, just two, one on each bedside table, red, Cheryl approved.  
“Let’s get you out of that dress shall we”, Veronica moved back toward her as she was still standing just inside the doorway. She moved to close the door behind her, placed a hand low on her back and gently led her toward the bed.  
“Here,” she said, passing her some sweatpants and an old Spence cheerleading hoodie, “I’ll head to the bathroom and let you get changed”.

Cheryl was still all kinds of jumbled, shaken and hoping that Hermione Lodge wasn’t still out there in all her regalia and had taken herself off to the Jubilee. Just knowing she was out of the apartment would make Cheryl feel a little less on edge. She managed to get out of the dress, shivering as she had to discard the fur around her shoulders and stooping to pull off her heels. She wasn’t wearing any. She sighed, exasperated at herself, the mess of herself. She looked toward the dress lying on the bed. It had once stood for something beautiful, when she and Jason had first donned those white costumes and planned out a beautiful escape where he could be free and she was his closest confidant again. Then the dress had lost it all in a second and become something different, stained with images of her cowering on the edge of Sweetwater river for the first time, when Jason hadn’t come back. Then somehow it had got hold of warmth again. When Veronica had spent the night before the funeral and put all that bravery inside of her so that she could wear it once again. That was the memory that had stood out when she had laid it out ready earlier that very day. When Veronica had stood up in front of her family and friends and people of Riverdale, who she knew had just come in hopes of some entertainment, and held her like no one else had in so long. She had convinced her to rebel just a little bit, knowing she had her to fall back on. But now it was too far gone. Sure Veronica’s gentle hands were on it again, with Archie’s violent bravery at the river, and the fact that she had survived, but it wasn’t enough now. She had survived. But for what, what happens next, when she inevitably has to walk through the door into Thornhill again, when she was certain she would never have to fake her way to a calm, uncaring exterior when her heart was racing and her breath kept getting caught in her throat with just the thought of it. The dress had nearly two deaths attached to it now. And in that moment, she wasn’t sure how she felt about the ‘nearly’ part of that sentence. All the good and bad that came alongside that image of her in white were swirling in her mind and pressing behind her eyes. She reached for it. Images of Jason, underwater, reaching for her, that bullet wound in his forehead and the pallor of his skin, his red hair more burnt orange in that light, they were flashing before her eyes as she watched her own hand. He was reaching and it terrified her, was it in anger, in love, she didn’t want to think of it, of him like that and what could have happened if she had reached toward him as well. What if she had taken his hand? She was breathing fast now, panicking, she couldn’t find a single thought, couldn’t pinpoint what it was that had her in this state. She roughly grabbed the dress and spun around, back toward the door. Cheryl stopped for a moment, breathing heavy, almost slowing. She lifted the dress, not feeling the cold now as she stood in her underwear alone. With strength she somehow found within her, even after all that had happened that day, she ripped the dress in two. A muffled scream of anger accompanying it from her clenched jaw. She shoved what was left of the dress into the trash can by Veronica’s door, and as she did so, watching the material that held all those conflicting feelings be scrunched up among scraps of paper and makeup wipes, she felt a tiny bit lighter, her shoulders dropping just an inch.

* * *

“I don’t know if you’re hungry, but I brought some water and grapes and stuff that you can pick at if you do feel like it” were Veronica’s first words as she shouldered the door open on her way back into the bedroom. “Mother left for the Jubilee, so don’t worry about noise if you want to shower or anything?” She had changed as well, into a similar outfit of sweats and a t shirt, her casual look making Cheryl realise she had never seen Veronica so dressed down, and probably even less so wearing anything but a dress or skirt of some kind, outside of practice. This almost jarring look maybe should have made Cheryl feel as though everything was even more out of place, but instead it calmed her a little more, seeing them both step out of their comfort zones, or maybe into them, breaking from the poise and choreographed stature of the everyday.  
  
“I’ll just wash up a little, thank you”. She responded, nodding at Veronica with a small smile and made her way to the bathroom. It was different wandering the small but ornate Pembrooke apartment at this quiet time rather than the boisterous tense day of the baby shower, Cheryl preferred it like this, without the noises of her mother and the random assortment of Riverdale teenagers that had turned up that day. She locked the bathroom door behind her and made her way to the sink, avoiding all contact with the mirror along the way.

Veronica let out a breath as Cheryl left the room, closing her eyes as she sat on the edge of the bed, attempting to silence and clear her mind for just a second or two. She had stood in the kitchen running the tap over her hands for as long as she could, part as a calming motion, letting the cool water wash over her wrists, and partially because she just wanted to make sure Cheryl had a moment or two to herself, in a safe place, with a closed door and no prying eyes, even her own. She hadn’t had to deal with anything like this before, nothing of this level, she didn’t know what she was doing, and was so scared of making a mistake, of putting her foot in her mouth. She had known there was something going on with Cheryl, the giving away of the spider brooch and cheerleading shirt had just confirmed that something was not right. She had been worried, but, with Cheryl, it was so hard to get anything more than one mysterious sentence at a time, so she hadn’t pushed. She’d gotten caught up in everything else, in attempting to make it work with Archie, grasping at straws there, trying to find a way to mould herself into that group and not jolt anything negative out of Betty, trying to keep hold of that friendship. She had been full of worries about her mother and father and had let that cloud her view of anything else. But the moment she had got that message from Cheryl, her heart dropping, a moment of blind panic once she realised what it meant, every one of her fears had been confirmed. And she would never forgive herself for not pushing harder, for being so wrapped up in herself, that she had almost lost someone who she knew was one of the most important people she would ever meet. Someone deserved so much better, and needed so much love. Her head was in her hands when Cheryl returned. She jolted up to meet her eyes, she didn’t want her to worry, she didn’t need to think about anyone’s emotions but her own right now.  
  
“Do you want to head to bed? I know it’s early, but I know I could use the sleep?” Veronica moved around to the far side of the bed after a nod from Cheryl.  
They made their way under the covers, Veronica tossing off any throw pillows that were left. Cheryl laid down, keeping herself as still as possible, she was unbearably tense still and the bed was so soft it was almost painful. Sure, they had shared a bed before, but that was different, it felt so different now. She didn’t know how to switch everything off. Veronica was having her own inner turmoil, she wasn’t someone who shied away from physical contact, sometimes a lack of it made her feel like something was wrong, and in this situation, feeling Cheryl’s body heat that close to her, but the air feeling the heavy way it did, she didn’t know what was the right move to make. She wanted to comfort, but how did she do that, how did Cheryl like to be comforted, she’d never shown a dislike for her hugs before, but…  
  
“Thank you, Veronica. For everything today”. Cheryl whispered to Veronica’s surprise, she hadn’t expected her to be the one to break the silence between them. “Not just today actually, just for everything. You’ve done so much for me since you got here. I didn’t do anything to deserve it”. Veronica sighed in disagreement, “Cheryl, you’ve been through so much. I haven’t always been kind to you, I was a bitch when we first met and at Jughead’s party, I took it all too far. We haven’t been the best to each other, but we understand each other you know… I think anyway, and you’ve shown me kindness too, despite it all, you have. I care about you Cheryl”.  
Cheryl was still lying motionless, staring up at the ceiling, trying to find the right words when Veronica made the move to blow out the candle on her bedside and turn toward her. She felt her eyes widening a little in panic, but took a breath and did the same.  
  
“We haven’t been the best, but that can change, I promise I’ll be there for you Cheryl. Whatever you need. I’ll be there”. Cheryl could just make out Veronica’s eyes in the glow of a streetlight passing through a gap in the curtains. She could see them soft and watery again. This time with a vulnerable quality to them, she was tense too, her jaw trembling a little as she fought against right out biting her lip out of nervousness. Although Cheryl didn’t quite understand why Veronica was feeling worried right now, she understood that in some way this was a big moment for her. How often did she put herself out there in this gentle way? How many times had she been shut down, had someone else chosen over her? She hadn’t seen her and Betty around together lately as much as they used to be.  
  
“You’re a beautiful person Veronica. I know today has-”, her voice broke, however slow and careful she was trying to be with her words “Today has been… I don’t really know how to talk about it all”.  
“It’ll take time, you don’t have to say anything Cheryl. You don’t owe me anything, explanations, nothing, please don’t think that” Veronica chimed in, reassuringly.  
“You’d be the only one.” Cheryl responded, “If I did have the words, I’d talk to you”. She broke the eye contact Veronica had maintained and instantly felt her move, her hand coming up to play with a strand of Cheryl’s hair as she had done so many times before, twirling it around her finger. She didn’t say anything else, just gave a soft nod when Cheryl met her eyes again, her brow creased and eyes frightened. Veronica moved closer, gently placed the hand that had been in her hair on her waist and Cheryl couldn’t help but lean toward Veronica a little, wishing for a moment that she’d hold her again like she had in the car earlier, making her feel cocooned in something other than the envelopment of her own negativity.


	3. In hope.

Veronica was woken suddenly. She immediately groaned and shut her eyes again in protest to the light that was now blaring through the curtains she hadn't quite managed to close, or maybe open, the previous morning. That seemed like so long ago... The clock opposite her bed read 9am, they'd slept for nearly 12 hours. They. Cheryl. That explained the warmth she was surrounded by. A welcome change to the usual freezing mornings since the start of the snowfall where Veronica would basically triple jump from her bed to the shower in under 5 seconds. Cheryl was tucked into her shoulder, her hair draped slightly over her face, still sleeping. She looked peaceful, beautiful. Veronica slowly lifted her hand and brushed some of the hair out of her face, letting her hand linger a little on her pale cheek.

The doorbell rang.

Right, that’s what had woken her up. Veronica carefully maneuvered her way out from under Cheryl who barely reacted at all, still breathing deeply. Not surprising, Veronica thought, she must be exhausted, mentally and physically. She already felt for Cheryl and how much she was going to ache today, from the stress and the cold. Veronica picked up a dressing gown along the way, black and silk, of course, and made her way to the door.

She can’t say that Archie was the person she was the most surprised to see standing outside the apartment, but she can say that he’s not really someone she wanted to see right now, she had done a lot of thinking over the last 48 hours, but that didn’t mean she wanted to deal with it all right now.

“Veronica! Hey, how are you? I was worried when you cancelled last night”. Archie questioned immediately, slightly wide eyed in his haste.

“I’m okay Archie, no need to worry. And I’m sorry to cancel, I just had to stay with Cheryl, I couldn’t let her be alone after everything, you know. How’s your hand”? Veronica asked.

“It’s okay, Freshman year I played a whole season with a broken hand, well a taped up hand, so it wasn’t too difficult. The Pussycats were awesome, they let me play my song in the end, which was amazing. Betty’s speech was great too, I think it may have riled up or confused everyone a little, but it was great in the end. Sad you missed it, I was really looking forward to singing with you again”. He said, trying to keep a happy disposition, but there was still a little hurt in there as he did so.

Veronica almost rolled her eyes at that, not that she didn’t feel for Archie, it’s just, couldn’t he understand, even after everything he himself had gone through yesterday, there on the ice, that emotion, that desperation he showed. Yet, there he was, coming across so, I don’t know, naive or something. Maybe he was. He had a good heart though, Veronica knew that for sure.

 

Cheryl awoke to the murmuring of voices coming from somewhere outside the room. Her head was pounding, a deep, dull pain that matched her heartbeat. As she went to sit up she could feel the tension of her arms and legs, a tightness of muscles being shocked by ice water and pushed to their limits to fight their way back up. Her hands felt bruised as she stretched then slowly, she knew if she lifted her pants she’d find her knees still red from the cold and scraped from the roughness of gritty ice and snow. She walked carefully toward the hallway, unsure if this was a conversation she should be privvy too or not. Not that she would usually care, oh the possibilities for blackmail and all that. As she got closer she could hear Veronica, she couldn’t quite make out what she was saying until she addressed someone. Archie.

“I know, Archie, I really am sorry I couldn’t, and that’s really great for you, that you got to sing what you wanted” She sighed, “Look, I’ve been meaning to ask you something” she had been debating doing this on and off throughout the week, when everything seemed a little out of reach and she couldn’t quite work out why she didn’t really want to stretch and try. “When we were at Southside High, you were looking at Betty and Jughead, I don’t know, wistfully..”

“Wistfully?”

“Longingly. Like you liked Betty?”

Archie looked confused for a moment, recalling the time.

“Veronica, the moment you’re talking about, I was seeing Betty and Jughead, and I was seeing how good they were, and it confirmed how I’ve been feeling this past week, I want to be that, for you”. He said with a small smile, making Veronica feel 100 times worse for what she was about to do, he certainly was endearing. Is it terrible that she was maybe hoping for him to say something else, something a little more negative. But damn if she hadn’t got herself into this situation, her drunk needy self who just wanted someone, and she was going to have to get herself out. She closed her eyes for a second biting her lip. Cheryl could see Veronica in the mirror of the hallway, she watched her deflate, puzzled by it. Hadn’t Archie Andrews, the adonis of Riverdale High, just told her something that most people would kill to hear, why did she look so defeated?

“Look, Archie, I- I’m so sorry to do this, and god, hearing that just makes it all so much harder.” She paused, looking back up at him for a second, seeing his brow furrowed, “I know last night was supposed to be some kind of date, as a way to start off this whole thing, but Archie, I don’t know. There’s so much going on in my mind right now and I need to take some time, to figure out where I fit. I was trying so hard to fit into what you and Betty and Jughead had, but I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m soulmate material, maybe not… maybe not with you anyway.” She reached for his arm, placing what she hoped was a comforting hand there, “You’re an incredible guy, and what you did for Cheryl last night, we all saw that devotion, you’re a hero Archie, and you deserve someone who can match you in that. Right now, with how I’m feeling, and with everything with Cheryl, I just need to focus on that, okay. This truly is a “not you, it’s me” moment, Arch. Is- is that okay?” she tried to be careful with her words, not knowing if she succeeded or not, watching his face carefully for any kind of clue.

“Umm, I mean, this is a little confusing I guess. You’re the one who started things with me. I guess I don’t quite understand, like we went through telling Betty, you made a big deal out of that?”

“I know, I completely get that and I am so sorry, I feel like I accidentally led you on. But, don’t you feel like this is kind of rushed, like we were doing well as friends, sure there was some underlying flirtation, and you make a great lap to sit on, but you’ve had everything with Betty, and Val, gosh even a moment with Cheryl in the last few months. I thought I knew what I wanted, but I’m finding myself confused, I feel like maybe you don’t really know what you want either Archie.” She paused, “I know that I need time, I need to clear my head, to figure out what I want, what, or who, is the right fit for me, if anyone right now, can you understand that?”

“I can, Veronica. I won’t say it makes me happy, I feel like we all need someone right now, but I can still be there for you, if you need it. As friends. I promise”. He was sincere as he said this, making Veronica feel a little better about the whole situation, she didn’t know what was going on with her, last week she would have killed for Archie Andrews to show up at her door in worry, but now, she just felt strange. She felt bad for Archie too, he had been kind to her in the moment there, but she knew he was someone who felt a little alone. He seemed as though he didn’t quite know how to function without someone by his side, seemingly in a relationship. Maybe he was trying to distract himself from his own issues, maybe he just needed someone to feel close to, that he could turn to to actually try and face them. She felt bad either way. Veronica had tried to talk to people about how she was feeling, she had made a big deal out of checking with their friends, with Betty. She had talked to Betty about it multiple times, the last time bringing it up in her bedroom, almost trying to will her to question her or to take offence, just a little, to give her a concrete reason why she wasn’t feeling how she knew she was supposed to. She might have pushed it if Polly hadn’t interrupted, but then again that was the most one on one time she had spent with Betty in so long that she thinks she probably wouldn’t have, she wouldn’t have risked messing up what they had then. She’d think about it later, there were so many other things on her plate, she couldn’t let herself dwell for too long, or maybe she just didn’t want to. She’d deal with that later too.

They had been standing in silence for at least thirty seconds when Cheryl decided she couldn’t stand it any more.

“Archie?” He looked at her in surprise as she walked across the living room. There was head bitch Cheryl Blossom making her way toward him in a hoodie and sweatpants, hair tousled and pillow creases still evident on her cheek. The difference was stark.

“Cheryl, hey, how are you?”, Archie responded nervously.

“I’m fine Archie.” she replied quickly, almost brushing his question aside, “I just heard you out here and wanted to come and thank you. Thank you for everything you did yesterday. I- I may not have survived without you there, I’m just sorry you ended up hurting yourself because of me. Truly I am”. She was standing by Veronica’s side, who, with the volume of her voice getting softer and softer along the way, itched to place a hand on the small of her back, or her arm, like she had for Archie. She realised though, although her comforting touch to Archie had felt like a necessity out of obligation, a calculated movement, this wasn’t, she was drawn to her, she felt as though she needed to touch her, to try and keep trying to bring her comfort in any way she could.

“It’s alright Cheryl, it’s not too bad, got it fixed up quick enough for the show and everything. I’m glad you’re feeling okay”. He smiled at her, it didn’t quite reach his eyes, it seemed a little awkward. It wasn’t hard to tell that he didn’t know how to act, especially in front of both of them.

“Well, I had better get going, got to go help my dad out with some stuff at the house. I’ll see you both on Monday?”

“See you then Archie.” Veronica responded. She closed the door behind him, letting out a sigh as she did so, feeling so much lighter the very moment he was out of sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise to bring the next chapter out sooner rather than later to make up for the lack of Cheronica in this one!


	4. In conversation.

As Veronica turned from shutting the door she found that Cheryl had already made her way to the couch, and was looking down at the floor, head bowed slightly. 

“Cheryl,” she moved to sit beside her, “are you alright? I’m sorry if seeing Archie was too much right now, I didn’t mean to wake you”.

“It’s okay,” she looked up at Veronica, “I’m really sorry about you and Archie. I didn’t mean to overhear but…”

“Oh. No, it’s alright, don’t worry. We rushed, it wasn’t right, wasn’t going to be. I’m definitely not even in the right headspace to try”.

“That’s what I meant,” Cheryl sighed, “I really hope I didn’t add to that, I know you have things going on right now, with your family, with Betty, everyone, I don’t want to…” she trailed off, not really sure how to find the right words to say what she wanted to.

“Look, I know there’s a lot going on right now, I don’t really know what to say or what to do, but there are things that you just feel are right, yeah? That’s how I felt with breaking things off with Archie, sure, yeah, everything that’s going on right now is stressful, with my family and with you.” she paused, looking pointedly at Cheryl, “Yeah, I’m including you in this, because I care about you, okay. And I want to be here for you. We’re young, me and Archie was not something that was meant to be. People are throwing around the word ‘soulmate’ a lot these days, and, although I love him, I know he wasn’t mine”. 

Cheryl watched Veronica carefully. She wasn’t fully convinced, not about Veronica and Archie, no, that she thinks she maybe understood, but she felt as though there was something Veronica was struggling with behind those words, that there was maybe a reason she wasn’t giving, well, a reason. No, Cheryl wasn’t fully convinced that she wasn’t making everything way harder than Veronica needed it to be right now. She was still worried about the stress she was putting on her, by being there, being in her space, in her bed, mentally, physically, was any of it okay? 

She had been quiet for a while now. 

“Okay,” she said, “I understand, I’m sorry, I won’t push it, I apologise. But please, Veronica, tell me the second, the second before I overstay my welcome. I can go, anytime, don’t let me put anything else on you. I can deal.’ she took a breath, biting her lip, Veronica could see her jaw clenching, “I can deal on my own. I promise. And I want to be there for you too, you know that, I’m trying so hard to be better. Anything you need, please, talk to me. You can, you know?”

Veronica didn’t respond. She held Cheryl’s gaze for a few seconds, her eyes glassy, nearly watering, she was on the edge of having to hold back tears, Cheryl’s on the other hand, they were wide, her brow creased. Veronica could tell she was worried, worried about getting her point across, making sure she was heard. Veronica closed her eyes for a second, smiling softly, shoulders dropping. She moved closer to Cheryl, took one of her hands that had been resting in her lap, fingers twisted together in anxiety, she gently stretched out her fingers and laced them with her own, bringing Cheryl’s left hand into her own lap as she gently laid her head on her shoulder. 

She had listened to Cheryl, she had always been listening to Cheryl. Sometimes she felt like she had some kind of inbuilt radar on her, drawn to her presence across a room, accidentally seeking her out at lunch, even if just making eye contact over a crowded cafeteria or a playing field. It was strange, but she didn’t care anymore, how strange or how much she was coming to realise that the head cheerleader had become a fixture in the forefront of her mind since moving to Riverdale. She decided to lean into it, to not try and question, not when just being a little more honest and unguarded could leads to moments of peace and comfort like this. And oh how she hoped, so much, that Cheryl was feeling the same way.

 

Cheryl had managed to shower. The water had been scolding and her tears had felt like ice slicing through all the steam around her. But she had managed. She had sensed a little pity in Veronica’s eyes when she had walked out with a cloud of steam billowing behind her. That, and if you looked slightly closer, a little bit of lust, but that escaped Cheryl and Veronica alike. Veronica was in no way conscious enough to recognise it for what it was. All she knew was, despite Cheryl’s skin looking red raw, seeing her step out of that bathroom, almost as if on the set of some cheesy teen drama, with a smoke machine behind her, wearing her silk dressing gown of all things, did something to her. It did something alright.

Cheryl went to change as Veronica made her way back to the kitchen where she was attempting to make something somewhat nice for them both. She had meant to ask Cheryl what she felt like when she was ambushed by the slow motion exiting of a Cheryl lacking a significant amount of clothing and had subsequently forgotten all about her question...

 

Veronica had gone for breakfast foods, always a classic, and it was easy for her to just let Cheryl pick what she’d like from a bunch of options. They were sitting quietly, both feeling a little nervous and not really knowing why. It almost felt like being little kids again with a first crush, or when you meet someone for the first time and just know that they’re going to have a huge impact in your future. Veronica felt like it was them starting over, but of course, it wasn’t that easy. It hadn’t even been 24 hours yet since Cheryl had been under the ice, and maybe almost another 24 hours before that she had lost her father, it may seem like a lifetime, but something like that doesn’t just go away with a few hugs, and if Veronica does say so herself, really great scrambled eggs. Cheryl could swear she actually felt the mood of the room change as Veronica’s face dropped a little, as if the inside of Veronica’s mind was connected to the heat pumping out of the radiators around them. A few seconds ago they had been smiling tentatively at each other through spoonfulls, of what Cheryl would never tell Antonio, her favourite chef at Thornhill, the best eggs she had ever had, but the emotional switch was palpable. 

“Ronnie?” The nickname didn’t escape Veronica’s notice, in all its adorable tentativeness, and it made her smile back at Cheryl again, “Are you okay?” she asked.

“I-” Veronica considered lying, not bringing up the topic again since they had settled in so nicely to this butterfly inducing smile sharing time, “I was just thinking about yesterday, and even before that, how best to help you through all this. Also that I know hardly anything about you Cheryl, I arrived in Riverdale and we were immediate enemies for some reason, then we were friends, then I don’t even know, I got so lost in the middle of it all, and realistically, I haven’t actually been here all that long. I’d love to actually get to know you”. A bit more word vomit than Veronica had expected of herself, but hadn’t she just had an internal pep talk about honesty this morning? It was okay. 

“Well, first of all, you are helping me Veronica, I just need a little more time before we get to the completely uncredited attempts at psychoanalysis and therapy sessions with Dr. Lodge, but we’ll get there, don’t you worry” she was smirking at her now, “and as for the getting to know me. We can do that, yeah, I think I’d like that. And to get to know you too. You’re a bit of a mystery over there”. 

Veronica laughed, “As are you Ms. Blossom, as are you”.

 

They ended up back on the couch and in the midst of a mandatory round of 20 questions that Veronica had enthusiastically insisted upon, surprising Cheryl with her almost childlike nature that accompanied the suggestion, another side of Veronica she hadn’t really had the chance to see before, a little bit of what she might have been like before all the drama and jail and death that had found its way to her.

“Okay, now, no more of the cliche questions, I want random, I want the strangest things you can think to ask, come on now!” she was tapping Cheryl’s arm in impatience as they sat cross legged opposite one another. 

“Alright, okay” she amusedly responded, “Veronica Lodge, specifically regulated to sea creatures alone, what underwater animal would you be?”

“Seahorse” Veronica shot back immediately, not even taking a moment to think, “wanna know why?” her eyes light as she asked.

“Okay…” Cheryl drawled.

“Well, first of all, their name literally means ‘horse caterpillar’ which is awesome in itself, BUT, they change colour, they can look forward and backward at the same time, no one can ever sneak up on you, no unexpected moments, less of life outside of your control.” she paused, getting a little too serious for her liking at the end, “plus the male gives birth, so no worry about any of that, which I am for sure down for”. Cheryl laughed at that. 

“I wouldn’t have expected anything less from you, perfect answer once again”.

“Okay Cheryl, partially cliche but I’m limiting you. If you could live anywhere in the world, but you can’t answer anything beach related, people always go for that, where would you go?”

“Beach related, have you met me, I’d fry in just the time it would take me to try and get to the ocean.”

“Too true” Veronica concurred, getting a glare from Cheryl in return, but with only half of it’s usual malice, mostly it was just smile, she wasn’t hiding it well, and it made Veronica break out into the biggest grin yet today.

“So, no beaches, that’s a given, maybe a city, like London or New York, probably London, I like history and the buildings are beautiful, but there’s a lot of New York I like too. A few years ago Jason and I got to spend Winter there, and that city under snow is one of the most beautiful things, we weren’t allowed to leave the penthouse all that much, and not really at all by ourselves, but one day we woke up extra early and snuck out just before sunrise. We took a taxi down near the Brooklyn bridge, we walked a little over it and as we turned around we could see the sun just beginning to come out over the buildings of the city. We stood there, watching until the sun was up fully, completely oblivious to everything else. It was the most peaceful time we’d had in so long. I don’t actually remember a time I’ve had since where I was as content and as settled with myself, just in those few hours away from all the, the drama in that family.” she scoffed as she finished a little embarrassed with herself, “so there’s that.” she said condescendingly. Sharing was not really her thing. Showing her emotions to people was also most definitely not her thing. Yet there she was, looking back at Veronica, whose eyes were a little shinier than normal, her brow creased, but a small smile still playing on her lips.

“That’s beautiful, Cheryl, really. A little cliche and all but…” She laughed as Cheryl shot her that look once again, “No, seriously,” she countered, stilling, “I’m really glad you had that time”. She reached out to put a hand on Cheryl’s leg, partially in comfort, or some kind of way to punctuate how magical it felt to her that Cheryl had shared that much with her, plus she just kind of wanted to touch her again, selfishly. But her hand never got there, as at that moment Veronica’s phone decided to start violently vibrating on the table beside her.

“Shit. Sorry!” she said as she scrambled to make it stop just as the door to the apartment swung open once again.


	5. In collision.

“It’s Betty” Veronica said, looking down at her phone after completely ignoring her mother who had just walked in. “She’s called a few times now, I should- I may have to call her back.” She looked up at Cheryl apologetically.

“Call her back Veronica”. Hermione Lodge cut in, monotonously from behind Veronica’s shoulder. She may have been talking to her, but her eyes were locked in on Cheryl in a calm but slightly menacing way. Cheryl caught the tail end of Veronica’s eye role as she broke eye contact with Hermione. 

“It’s okay, go for it. Please.” She nodded to Veronica, “Don’t stop your life on my account, what did I tell you.” Cheryl tried to keep her voice and smile at at least of a fraction of the level it had been at before.

“Yes, Veronica, remember your life?” Hermione’s sarcasm wiped away any chance she had of salvaging the mood. Veronica just sighed and made her way toward the kitchen, phone in hand.

 

Betty seemed to be on guard the moment she picked up the phone, in defence, ready for something. As if she was expecting a fight. Did no one seriously understand what had gone on in the last 48 hours?

“V, we haven’t all had any down time together in a while. Come on, let’s at least try and make it like old times, or slightly older anyway. We all need this. Please.” Betty part whined, part pleaded through the phone and Veronica just didn’t have it in her to fight, and she knows that’s what a ‘no’ would have resulted in. She bid Cheryl and her mother goodbye for an hour or so, she wasn’t planning on staying away long, and made it painfully clear that Cheryl was to stay as long as she wanted or needed and that Hermione had no business in even looking her way. But as soon as the door closed and a cape clad Veronica was out the way, Cheryl could just feel Hermione zoning in on her, probably already having a plan in motion that she didn’t really have the means to escape from.

 

Veronica walked into Pop’s the same way she had on her first day in Riverdale, making sure there was an air of confidence wafting in with her. She looked left and saw Archie, Betty and Jughead sitting at their usual table, she turned away for a second, taking a deep breath and putting her usual smirk in place before making her way over.

“What’s going on Riverdale’s finest teenage mystery hunters?” she greeted, taking her place next to Archie somewhat awkwardly. She knew this was tradition of some sort, or at least since Betty and Jughead had started whatever they had started, but sitting next to him after everything that had happened just this morning wasn’t exactly the most comfortable thing, she honestly hadn’t thought he’d turn up. 

“Hey V”, Betty called to her, “How are you? Missed you yesterday”. She was smiling at her over her milkshake and Veronica did find it in herself to smile back. She honestly did miss Betty and what their friendship had been before, but she couldn’t quite get around the fact that why did it have to be now that they had all decided to miss her, why not a little while ago when she was searching for anyone to lean on and they were all elsewhere. 

“I’m fine B,” was her response, “Just been taking care of Cheryl and trying to get my head on straight”. She accidentally caught Archie’s eye as she tried to avoid Betty’s for a second, it was boring into her a little too hard. Gosh if this wasn’t the most awkward time she’d had sitting round a table in a while, and that was saying something considering the way her and her mother had been treating each other at dinner time recently. 

“How is she?”, somewhat surprisingly, it was Jughead who asked that question.

“Um, she’s dealing, I think. I don’t know, we’re trying to talk about things, but it’s all so fresh and she’s not been okay for a long time now, I think. It’s all gonna take time.” was the only frowned response Veronica found she could really give, and it was truthful, sure they’d had some laughs on the couch that afternoon, but that sure as hell didn’t mean that everything was fine and dandy. No, she was certain everything was not, and somewhere in the back of her mind, she had this nagging feeling that some parts of this everything, they had only just begun.

 

“What are you doing here Cheryl?” Just as suspected Hermione had rounded on her the moment Veronica was out of sight. 

“I’m just- I- Veronica offered a place for me to stay. Home isn’t, well, it isn’t really anything right now” she quietly answered what she assumed Hermione probably originally wanted to be a rhetorical question. She was sure whatever answer she gave wouldn’t suffice anyway. Hermione immediately batted the words away.

“I don’t care. There’s something going on here and I don’t like it. Do you really expect me to believe you and my daughter are friends now all of a sudden, that I haven’t heard her crying at night when she thinks I’m asleep and that that isn’t about you or whatever kind of game you’re playing right now. No. I won’t have this, not when everything is just about to go back to normal.” Hermione was loud and exasperated, she ran a hand through her hair, pacing.

“I care about Veronica, Mrs. Lodge. I promise--” Cheryl started.

“No.” she paused, shaking her head erratically, Cheryl could feel her getting worked up, “This isn’t going to work, Hiram comes back next week, this house, it needs to be perfect for him, and you being here and messing with Veronica’s life, that’s not going to be happening.” She walked over toward Cheryl, standing in front of her as she was still seated on the couch, her presence was domineering to say the least. Her next words were careful, they were emotionless, and they were the ones that hurt her the most.

“You’re not welcome here Cheryl. All you do is bring drama and pain into people’s lives, my daughter’s life, you mess up her friendships and the people who have the best for her at heart. Go back to your life wandering that mansion behind walls and gates and locked doors and leave me to repair what I can with my daughter and my husband. I want my life back, and a little spoilt brat like you is not going to get in the way of that”. Hermione stopped, she turned around. “Get your stuff and leave. Let Veronica go back to her normal life and you can go back to your’s.” Hermione gestured one arm toward the hallway leading to Veronica’s bedroom, her image silhouetted by the fading light outside and the fire that had been lit again. 

 

Cheryl did what she asked. She stood and walked down that hallway, she gathered up her things, not bothering to change out of the sweats she was still in from last night and she walked back through to the now empty living room feeling tears behind her eyes, but everything was too detached, she was too distant from it all to make them fall. She paused, glancing over at the fireplace and remembering how she had felt yesterday staring into those flames, enamoured by the way they danced, how they broke down the logs into smaller and smaller pieces until there was nothing of the original left and something new was forced to be built from the ashes. And then she walked out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading, the lovely comments are making me so happy! The next few chapters sadly don't have much interaction between Veronica and Cheryl in person, which has made me realise how much of a slow burn this is actually going to be... BUT I'll try and get chapters out quickly so you're not suffering with them for too long! -G
> 
> tumblr: 100percentjazzedtomeetyou


	6. In flames.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The part in italics is a flashback.

She could have fought. Maybe she should have, she could have tried to stand up for herself, for how she felt about Veronica, how they had talked about caring for each other. But the blunt truth of it was that she had tried to end her life less than 48 hours ago and her father had taken that same route just one day before that. Her mother hated her and the only one who had ever loved her had been gone for months now. Cheryl didn’t really have much fight left in her. She wanted to start over, she wanted some kind of life that she could build from the ground up, lay the foundations differently and come out a person who wouldn’t have to live like this, who wouldn’t have a mind that felt like this. This shaken sadness that she could feel thrumming throughout her muscles, in her fingers, making her hands shake. She wanted it gone. She wanted to be strong again.

 

She had made it back to the house, her footsteps echoing as it laid empty as she wandered the hallways. She had changed out of the clothes Veronica had lent her and tucked them away in the bag full of a small amount of items that meant anything to her. She was back in white. A different dress this time, she was aiming for purity in a different manner. She turned a corner and paused. Even now she felt tentative being on this side of the house. The doorway to her parents bedroom loomed to the left of her. It still made her heart race and palms sweat. She slowly walked forward until a dent in the wall caught her eye.

 

_ “No!” she had screamed at first, trying to stop them, running over as Jason was shrinking backward into the wall, their father standing tall over him. But she was small, just 10 years old, so when her mother grabbed her and held her back, just a few feet from him all she could do was struggle and watch. She didn’t know what he had done to make them this mad, she had just heard yelling and followed the sounds here. Jason already had a cut on his lip. She screamed again as her father’s volume raised once more, she wasn’t hearing any of the words though, everything was a blur as she squirmed and tried and tried. Then he raised his hand again. The vase had fallen off the table in the hallway. Her mother had stood by motionless, other than the hand that was now covering Cheryl’s mouth, tightly. Her grip bruising her arms. _

It was the first time Cheryl had seen it. Really seen it. So, even when her mother had released her and sent Jason on his way she found herself still standing there, shocked into nothing. It was only when her father come back out of his room a few minutes later and found her still there did the thunder-like clap of his voice get her moving as fast as she could out of there. He was commanding her to never set foot along this side of the house again without permission. And she didn’t.

 

But she was standing there now. She was standing there and look at what her family had become. The table in that hall was empty and the bedroom door was open wide. It was never open. Through that doorway she could see the mirror her father had used everyday to make sure all the lies and power were still in place. The heads still full of wig after wig, almost like her father was still taunting her, all those blank faces looking back at her from beyond the grave, condemning and daring her at the same time. Mirrors were scattered around the house and Cheryl had glimpsed herself, a ghost-like figure, as she moved about the maze of rooms. She felt brave, she felt she was worthy of redemption. That she would enact that herself. She had been locked away, or locked up by her family in these walls and in her mind. She had resisted and resisted but somehow she still felt she ended up becoming her own madwoman in her own attic. Deep crimson curtains blocking out the light.

 

This was the room she would start with. She lifted the tank of gasoline. She’d drench the bedsheets, red like everything else in this house, that now made Cheryl feel as though they were already tainted with the blood of the family members that had gone before her. She’d make sure this room was doused well and good. That way when she watched it all burn she’d know that the brightest part of the flames was this room alone. 

 

“What is that smell?” came the first words from Penelope Blossom as she found her daughter standing in the living room, candelabra in hand. She stopped in the doorway, tentative.

“Gasoline” Cheryl responded, “its the only way we can truly start over and purify”. She was calm, she was ready, she dropped the candles. She didn’t give her mother a chance to speak, to argue to question and probe. She just dropped them, and feeling invincible in that moment, she walked through the flames and followed her fleeing mother outside. A misplaced slap that caught more hair than her was all she got for now. She knew the worst was yet to come, but for now she had destroyed it, all of it. And gosh, she was so proud.


	7. In normalcy. - Part 1

Veronica had screamed at her mother for probably over the appropriate amount of time when she had come home after that mistake of a Sunday night meeting with Betty, Jughead and Archie and found that Cheryl was no longer there. Hermione had tried to defend herself, after giving up the attempts to try and make it seem like Cheryl had left of her own accord. She knew she wouldn’t have just up and left after yesterday, but once her mother said she hadn’t put up much of a fight after she had asked her why she was staying there and what she was trying to gain, Veronica didn’t really know what to think anymore. She didn’t blame Cheryl for leaving, she knew that she needed time and she needed help, and if she was finding that elsewhere then Veronica would be more than happy for her, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t sting. Veronica felt like she was being selfish, but somewhere inside her there was the callous thought of another person leaving her, which hurt a little more after everything Cheryl had said the day before, about being there. 

She was hoping she’d see her at school, she knew it was unlikely, but the Blossom’s liked to pretend nothing was wrong, and if Cheryl had inherited anything from her parents, it was definitely a knack at that. But if she was there she would attempt to corner her and figure all of this out. She wanted to apologise for anything Hermione had said to her, and for her leaving, she shouldn’t have gone off to meet them no matter how much her mother and Cheryl herself asked her to, she should have stayed, then maybe she’d be skipping classes to stay home with Cheryl today, or at least walking alongside her on the way to the gates, not alone like she was now.

“Oh my gosh, did you hear?!” Kevin grabbed her the moment she got to her locker. 

“Woah, woah, hear what Kevin?” she stuttered as he span her around and she struggled to regain her balance.

“About Cheryl!” he responded and her heart dropped, “She burned down her house, Thornhill, it’s just a smoking pile now!” he seemed half in shock and half enjoying this piece of gossip.

“Are you serious?” Veronica asked quietly, she wasn’t sure how to take this.

“Deadly.” was his answer.

“Is everyone okay? Was anyone inside? Is she alright? Is she here?” Veronica rattled off, looking around in panic, as if she’d just happen to glance Cheryl going about her daily business with Ginger and Tina as if nothing was wrong.

“Yeah, yeah, everyone’s alright last I heard from my dad, and I haven’t seen her today no, not likely she’d come in though, not with everything that’s gone on this weekend.” He was talking a little more at a normal pace and pitch now after seeing Veronica’s anxious reaction to the news.

“Yeah, no, you’re right.” She was distracted now, mumbling and moving to get her phone out of her locker. 

She unlocked her phone again to find the no new messages, her heart sinking again and again, each time she had checked this morning. She was feeling a mess of things, she was feeling nearly sick with worry. She shot off another text to Cheryl this time adding in the detail that she had heard about Thornhill and that she just wanted to know that she was okay, that was all.

“Veronica? Hey, Ronnie? Are you okay? You kinda zoned out on me there.” Kevin interrupted her thoughts in concern.

“Yeah, Kevin, I’m fine, just worried about Cheryl is all, this shouldn’t be how today is going”, she replied quietly, still a little distracted.

“Oh?”

“Um, she was staying with me up until last night, and now, well, there’s this so.. I just want to know that she’s okay”, she wasn’t doing a very good job at keeping eye contact, almost blushing a little.

“I- I didn’t know you guys were friends now?” Kevin carefully asked, genuinely a little confused.

“God, this town. Everything with Cheryl and I, I feel like it’s all just been half true, sure we butted heads at the start, but after the memorial, I don’t really know what happened, but we should have just put everything aside then. I don't even know what problems we had to not put aside. This frenemies thing has been a mess really. I’ve cared about her since day one okay, even with all the smackdowns” Veronica was getting tired of all this, the drama and the way in which it was all so cliche and petty, she wasn’t angry at Kevin specifically, just frustrated at what this town had brought out in her when she was trying so hard to get away from that version of herself. But it wasn’t just her was it, everyone was battling something here, and no one was really trying to fix it all.

“I didn’t mean anything by it V, I was just confused. I’m sorry, you’re right.” Kevin put a hand on her shoulder.

“I know you didn’t, I didn’t mean to go off on you. There’s just a lot happening, in life and in my head, sorry. I’m dealing.” she paused to give him a strained smile, “I’m gonna go get to homeroom, I’ll see you at break?”

“Yeah, definitely.” He watched Veronica turn, collect her stuff and close her locker, “And Ronnie, I know we haven't had much of a chance at friendship or whatever, but I am here if you want to talk about any of that stuff going on in your mind okay? Fully confidential.” He smiled.

“Thank you Kevin, you’re one of the good guys”, she sighed out a laugh as she gave him a friendly squeeze on the arm before she walked away.   


As Veronica wandered the halls aimlessly for a little while before homeroom, she had been far too early this morning, not being able to get back to sleep after waking in the early hours, she found her mind wandering to Cheryl again, gosh why did she occupy so much of her mind. It seemed if it wasn’t Cheryl she was worrying about it was her own family. Her mind was pretty much just worry these days, she wondered how long this was all going to stay in this strange place of limbo, something had to break.

She made it through her morning classes just about, she had been interrogated by Betty half way through about why she was so out of it today. Veronica felt happy she had even bothered to ask, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to talk through everything all over again so she brushed it off for now, promising she’d talk to Betty about it another time, when it was just them. She probably would as well, but this wasn’t something she wanted to share with the class, she doubted Cheryl would appreciate that. Plus she didn’t really want to air her own problems too, she just wanted to crawl back into bed today, preferably, she found herself thinking without her own permission, with Cheryl safe and curled into her side like before. 


	8. In normalcy. - Part 2

At lunch Cheryl finally responded to her texts. All it said was ‘I’m fine, don’t worry.’ and seeing those words made waves of relief but didn’t completely quell the anxiety she was feeling around the whole situation. Just because those words were on her screen didn’t mean Cheryl meant them, it didn’t even mean she had written them. But all in all it did make Veronica a little less worried overall and she found herself joining in with some of the lunch time conversation with a tiny fraction of her usual pep back in her system. 

The rest of the day had passed quickly, much to Veronica’s happiness. It had been a strange day, everything had felt too normal, like Betty, Jughead and Archie hadn’t really spoken about the weekend, in fact they had talked more about the Jubilee than the fact that Cheryl had nearly died and that her father actually had. They muttered about the fire at Thornhill that morning, but nothing much more had been said. Veronica couldn’t really tell why this was, did they actually not care, or was it more of a situation where everyone felt out of their depth? No one had had to deal with something like this before, so nobody knew the right thing to say. But, she thought, was just playing the ignorance card really the right way for any of them to deal with it? Probably not.

Although she was glad the school day was over, Veronica wasn’t looking forward to going home, especially after how she had left things with her mother the night before. Hermione had given as good as she had got though, so it wasn’t entirely her at fault, if either of them could even be blamed for anything that was going on right now. She just hoped she’d beat her mother home from work, she could grab food and hole up in her room for the rest of the night. But it was obviously just her luck when she walked in to see her mother settled on the couch with a glass of wine already. 

“Veronica.” Hermione greeted, slightly softly, slightly in that way that Veronica used to hear her name whenever the school had called home back in New York because of some other poor teenager she’d tormented that day. It made her shiver a little. 

“We need to talk, Veronica”.

Great.

“And what is it exactly we have to talk about? Hm?” She couldn’t help herself, she was going right in for the kill, she was done beating around the bush, everyone was skirting around everything, she needed at least one part of her life where everything was out in the open.

“How about we circle back round to the fact that you forced my friend back into her terrifying excuse for a family the same weekend where her father killed himself and she attempted the same thing, yeah, great, good talk, thanks Mom”. Veronica turned to carry on walking past her, screw the food, she was already done with this mother daughter bonding time.

“Veronica.” there that voice was again, with more force behind it now, “What can I say, I have apologised.” She sighed, standing to face her, smoothing out the creases in her dress as she did so.

“Do you not understand why I did it at all, do you not get that I was looking out for you Veronica? She’s made your life miserable since we got here, and with your father-“ Hermione tried to remedy some of the situation.

“What about my father, I get it, he’s coming home, perfection, perfection. I’ll make sure Ethel never sees him and we’ll all be fine right? Sure. And as for Cheryl mother, oh she’s great, aside from her burning her freaking house down last night, yeah did you hear about that?”

She was so angry, she could feel herself grinding her jaw, her eyes wide, gesticulating wildly at her mother, intermittently clenching her fists to try and keep herself in check, more for herself than anyone else’s benefit.

“Real safe space you sent her back to. But you know nothing at all about her and me Mom, you really don’t. If you had paid any attention to my life the past few months and less toward whatever scheme you were working with Fred Andrews then maybe you’d have a little more intelligence on the matter.” She scoffed and succeeded in marching out the room this time, her mother calling after her. 

“Then talk to me Veronica, explain to me, we can try and-“ she gave up, sighing once more, head tilted back in defeat, “And he’s your father Veronica, not the Godfather!” she finished with a shout, dropping herself back onto the couch again.

***

It had been a week since Veronica had seen or heard from Cheryl, well, a school week. 5 days. She hadn’t received any more replies to the daily texts she had sent out just to try and check in on her. By this point Veronica found herself on the precipice of being uncontrollably worried, like massively so, and feeling as though maybe she was blowing things out of proportion. Should she just go back to normal like everyone else? That was one of the problems, she was surrounded by people who were pretending, they were all hiding and acting and brushing things aside as if they didn’t matter, and regardless of those issues, she had no one who was truly clued in on her life, no one she could turn to ask if she was overreacting. She supposed no one knew the full story, and sadly, no one cared about Cheryl like she did. Either Cheryl hadn’t given them the chance to get to know her or they hadn’t even tried. Thinking about it all from this perspective though, after spending that little bit of time with Cheryl, maybe she hadn’t been allowed to give people a chance, that and her situation with her family, would explain some of that fiery front she had up. Veronica didn’t know what truly went on in that household, but after her one unnerving night there she definitely wouldn’t be surprised if Cheryl had absolutely no control over her life. Maybe that was why, as cliche and as small as that Brooklyn Bridge story was, it was a rare moment Cheryl had where she hadn’t had to answer to anyone but herself. What a liberating feeling that must have been for her, and what sadness she must have felt when she had to leave it behind.

Kevin was being extra nice to her though, which, although it made her slightly nervous, she did appreciate. Especially since she knew that he had some things he was dealing with, with Joaquin not being around anymore. But it was nice, and she promised herself she’d make the effort to sit down with him sometime next week, maybe they both needed it? She didn’t know Kevin especially well. They had got on at the start, when she had just moved here, feeling a kinship with him for some reason or another, almost relief at finding him in this supposedly picturesque town stuck in the 50’s. But then she had got a bit caught up in Betty and he had with his boyfriend, and well, now they were just getting over every possible person surrounding them being potential villains in a murder mystery novel, so that had taken up a little of their bonding time. 

Oh, Riverdale, what a strange town you are. And yeah, one that definitely needs to change it’s slogan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this has taken so long and that it wasn't the best/longest chapter. Had a busy time away with my family and graduating from uni over the past few days, but back at it now and excited to get some more down! :) - Thanks again for reading!


	9. In isolation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, had a hard time getting into the flow of this one. 
> 
> Hopefully you all enjoy, and thanks again for all the wonderful feedback and kudos, always makes my day!

Cheryl had been in this suite for what felt like weeks. It hadn’t been though, it had only been one. One week that she had basically been locked away in isolation from the outside world. She knew it wouldn’t last for much longer, Penelope couldn’t hide for that long and definitely couldn’t hide _her_ for that long, people would start talking, and not in the way her mother wanted. There would be whispers and accusations of a negative kind. Penelope wanted people to fear her, but she wanted admiration more than that. So Cheryl knew she would be allowed out again soon, maybe even to go back to school. Most of the week had been strained silence. Her mother had seemed in shock for the first few days, and honestly, Cheryl couldn’t blame her, it was probably the only action or response from her mother that she had understood in a long time. She had lost her husband, her son and now her daughter had burnt down the home that had been in their family for generations. Yeah, she could understand a little bit of shock. 

Cheryl had been trying to navigate her own feelings also. Well, she supposes she was trying, if trying meant being trapped in a small space with her tormenting mother and no outlets of any other kind than the inside of her mind. Sure, she wasn’t actively sorting through her emotions and trying to figure out if maybe she was feeling the things that she was supposed to, or, the part that scared her a little, that maybe she was feeling things she wasn’t meant to. That maybe where there should be sadness or grief or just… something, she wasn’t feeling anything at all. That part of her had been shut away. That terror was the only thing she could feel, could get her heart to race.

She thought back to the last time she had opened up, had cried. Maybe that part of her was stuck back in that warm Pembroke apartment, trapped in there when Hermione Lodge had forced her out. Maybe she had slammed the door before she could collect her emotions and bring them with her. She almost felt like laughing at herself. At least Hermione had let her know, at least she wasn’t being a burden anymore, and Veronica could get on with her life. Veronica could focus on herself, which was something she deserved; to not have anyone else bringing her down. That’s all she would let herself think of Veronica or any of the Lodges right now, those thoughts sent her spiralling too much, and honestly, she couldn’t deal with that. She filed that away as much as her brain would let her, barring the glimpses every now and then as she racked her mind to make sense of herself, and Veronica’s soft smile shining its way through that darkness intermittently, making her wonder where that girl might be was and what she might be doing. Whether, maybe, she was thinking of her too…

Cheryl didn’t know what would happen when she was allowed back to school, she had thought for a second that maybe she’d be forced to transfer somewhere else, but knowing her Mother’s pride, she’d never go for it. So she’d be back at Riverdale High most likely Monday morning, and what exactly she would walk into, she had no idea. It wouldn’t be anything like before. She didn’t think the old fake friends would just sweep everything under the rug and act like they had been, not when their so called leader had become just a whisper between classmates, described, she had no doubt, as crazy. Cheryl didn’t really want that anyway. Maybe she could get in some semblance of a fresh start, maybe that would just mean keeping to herself and only herself. She could deal with less eyes than she knew would be on her though, the very second she walked through that door. The eyes that had been on her after Jason’s death still felt new and raw. They definitely didn’t contribute to anything she was going through in a good way, they simply meant she fought her feelings more and more so that none would slip through the cracks, so that no one would see _her_ crack. 

Like that day in class when she had stabbed that frog lying dead on its back without so much of a flinch or a shudder. She had just sliced it open, maybe to prove a point. But the moment she did it and realised she felt nothing while declaring to those who were watching, expecting, that she was _amazing_ , was one moment that would stick with her as the beginnings of everything getting darker and darker. Her being conscious of it anyway.

Somewhat luckily for her, Cheryl felt, she didn’t get the luxury of falling too far down that rabbit hole of wondering why, of asking herself questions she knew she couldn’t answer, as Penelope plowed her way through her door. 

“Dinner.” Penelope announced blandly and then immediately turned and strode briskly out again.

 

 

These meals were exhausting, the scraping of cutlery if they ordered room service or the rustle of cardboard or creaking plastic if they ordered takeout were almost always the only sounds present. If one of them were to speak it usually turned into a shouting match until Penelope took it too far or Cheryl knew Penelope was about to take it too far and so quickly, always almost running to escape, excused herself before it all went to hell again. Not that this wasn’t close enough to hell to begin with. 

Tonight Penelope seemed to have something to say, not wasting any time she ungracefully placed the take out salads, the plainest of the plain for Cheryl, of course, and straightened her posture in defence right away.

With no pretence she stated,

“Cheryl, you’re heading back to school on Monday and I’m taking this time to warn you in advance that if you make one move, one wrong word to anyone, then I won’t be so lenient again. My first choice would be to have you homeschooled, but I want you out of my hair while I work on rebuilding what you so gratefully destroyed. So you’re going, for now, but I will take more drastic actions if this stupid, immature, rebellious behaviour does not come to an end.” Her lips were pursed and her brows were raised, she was stoic and statuesque, she was terrifying.

“Yes Mother.”

What else could she say?   
  


Cheryl kept her head down, she didn’t want to make eye contact, didn’t want to see the fury behind them or the hate that they harboured for her. Her mother was an awful person, vindictive and violent and narcissistic in the worst ways, but a tiny part of Cheryl couldn’t let go of the fact that she was still her mother. She had spent so much, all of her life, just trying to please her, she didn't know how not to. It’s the way she’d been raised, with fear being a motivating tool to admire those traits that made her family the richest but most hated in Riverdale, and her mother was at the helm of that. She was the one that held the power. So, sure, in some respects that was admirable. But it was all for the wrong reasons, Cheryl knew that, somewhere. 

Nonetheless, to be hated by her own mother, her father had too no doubt, well, that idea of unconditional love parents are supposed to have for their children was further removed than a fairy tale for her. Yet, she was stubborn after all, she still couldn’t help but keep a tiny part inside of her yearning for that approval she had been conditioned, through any means necessary, to want to seek.

“No more hanging around those Lodges or Coopers too,” Penelope continued, “Any of that crowd, you hear me. We are not getting mixed up in all that low class nonsense. You keep you mouth shut and you go to class and come home. I’ll be waiting, no stopping off, no running away to your little girlfriend over at the Pembroke. No associations down there.” 

She paused, then, slowly exaggerating every word, frighteningly and condescendingly, she finished,

“We rise above it all.” 

Penelope punctuated that speech with nothing but threat and distain in her voice and Cheryl’s plastic fork could be seen shaking slightly in reaction as she tightened her grip and tried not to let it all show.

“Of course mother” she responded lowly, hunching further forward as she did so, curling into herself. Apparently it wasn’t enough.

“No.” Penelope started gravely, “Look at me Cheryl, look at me when you speak to me. I’m getting a lot of disrespect from this town right now and I will not take it from my own daughter as well.” Penelope had begun raising her voice a little. 

“Look at me!” 

When Cheryl didn’t react fast enough that voice got a little higher and Penelope’s hand made it’s way across the table, grabbing Cheryl’s arm, her black talon-like nails digging in as a form of command. Cheryl snapped to, clenching her jaw and staring straight ahead, trying to be unwavering in her stare, but the slight quiver in her lips may have given her away. It was exactly what Penelope wanted, and the small smirk that could barely be seen was enough to let Cheryl know that very fact. 

“Of course Mother.” she repeated, as steady as her jittering heart, that had now jumped to her throat, would let her.   
  


She wasn’t hungry anymore.


	10. In conflict.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! Here's a Lodge family chapter for you, next one we'll be much more lighthearted I promise. But have some badass Veronica for now! Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy.

It was early Saturday morning and the Lodge’s were at the train station. The sun had only just started to rise, beginning to pierce through the veil of mist that had washed everything into a slight grey. Veronica could just see the neon lights of Pop’s coming to life across the tracks, as she reflected on how perfect this morning matched how she was feeling, pathetic fallacy doing it’s thing. Hiram had opted for a late flight and an early train, hoping to avoid some of the drama his return to Riverdale was sure to bring to the town. You could almost feel it already, this bustling of anticipation in the air, as if everything was slightly on edge, bracing itself for a whirlwind of change. Or maybe that was just Veronica projecting, because that’s certainly how she was feeling.   
  
She looked over to her left, at Hermione standing there fidgeting with anything she could lay her hands on, she was nervous, she’d been unable to sit still for weeks, moving furniture back and forth and cleaning every inch of the apartment an excessive amount of times. She had forced Veronica into matching capes with herself for the occasion, and although Veronica couldn’t deny she loved the dramatic look of it all, she didn’t quite enjoy the matching portion. The false projection of this image of perfection and unity her mother had required of her made her feel wrong. She played along, if only to quell some of the nerves she was feeling herself, of the possibility to hide her own fidgeting hands under the front of the buttoned cloak. There hadn’t been much conversation at all between the Lodge women lately. 

Then, rising slowly in volume, the rumble of a train jittered through the tension on the platform, getting closer and closer to them, the only one’s out there this early. Veronica was trying hard to hide her emotions from her mother, not wanting her to know how she was feeling, to feel any pity toward the summersaulting mess she was inside. Smoothing her hands down the front of her cloak, she started to step forward, just one step, she couldn’t help it. Anticipation was building. There was so much tied up and tangled in the stories of Hiram Lodge, and Veronica, who had been at a loss through it all, everything with Ethel and the Andrews and whatever other things Hermione had been hiding from her, couldn’t free herself from that web, she didn’t know what to think or what she should believe.

So, despite all that of her ranging throughout recent history from standing by her father unwaveringly, to questioning every little thing about his character, or maybe in spite of it, Veronica couldn’t do anything to stop the way her eyes filled with tears and her feet compelled her to run toward her father the moment she saw him step off that train. And maybe it was because of her ever-growing poor relationship with her mother at present, but hugging her father after all this time, made her feel loved in all the ways Hermione had been neglecting to recently, whether, again, that was just her projecting or not.

 

Bringing Hiram home with them, that was strange. It had been a space that had been untouched by her father, at least physically, for Veronica, so him suddenly being there was a little jarring. When her and her mother had been at their best and it had been that safe haven Veronica couldn’t have ever imagined her father there, or maybe even wanted him, not when Hermione and her had been so good and so together. Now though, although strange feeling, she welcomed the change in habitation around the house, another body broke up the tension a fraction at least.

Well, _sometimes_ another body broke up the tension, sometimes another person her mother could play towards really didn’t, and this dinner was definitely an example of the latter. It had started off well, everyone was still catching up, Hiram had missed a hell of a lot these last few months, so Veronica and Hermione could converse about their separate lives and the lives of others in Riverdale with ease. That was until;

“It was all down to the Blossom’s really, you remember them from back in the day of course. They may be in a sweet business, but those villains have always been rotten at the core. That Penelope, I mean, I partially feel for her, but gosh, the things she’s said and done.” 

Hermione had been feeling all kinds of confident with her big words for a while now, acting as overlord of the dinner table, decreeing her opinions, her highly fashioned and probably fake opinions at that, all over the underwhelmed party present. Who was she reverting back into? Veronica was having a tough time digesting it all, both the food and the words of hate her mother was spewing.

“This is what I keep trying to get through to Veronica, Hiram.” 

Hermione turned to her husband, basically disregarding Veronica altogether, treating her like a child again, back to hushed arguments in the living room thinking she couldn’t hear them as they continually made decisions on her behalf. They had been great at pretending she didn’t exist or have the capacity for her own thoughts and opinions in the past. Veronica guessed Hermione was going to try and jump back on that bandwagon to attempt to regain some control over her. She had to have control over something, her whole life kept falling apart and back together quicker than she could scramble for her next employer, and she was running out of choices in this small town. 

“The Blossom’s bring nothing but hate with them and they walk around in this air of sadness and superiority, no. Veronica was supposed to have a fresh start here, we all were, and instead she’s getting herself involved in murder plots and discovering bodies. And she’s certainly not making smart choices about the people she’s getting _involved_ with”. 

Hermione looked pointedly at her husband as she stressed that word, _involved_ , and Veronica wondered why exactly that emphasis was placed. Was it about Cheryl, probably, she wasn’t being subtle with her feelings toward the Blossom’s tonight, but Veronica and Cheryl were friends, could Hermione just not bring herself to even suggest that? Was she talking about something else, Archie maybe? Or, was she missing something altogether? 

“Hermione, what have we said in the past about this, this meddling has only brought unhappiness in our family. I understand your feelings about the Blossom’s, truly I do, you know as well as I my history with them, but Veronica’s a big girl, she can make her own decisions, and I’m sure, as long as they’re not life threatening, she’s probably doing alright. Right, Veronica?” 

Hiram turned himself in his chair, including her again in both verbal and physical manners, shocking Veronica a little, she had expected to have to put up a little more of a fight. 

“Yes Dad, my choices are fine” she sighed, “What Mother here is really unhappy about is my friendship with Cheryl, that I was helping her last week. She kicked her out of the house for no reason other than this stupid rivalry between families. Cheryl needed a safe space and Mom denied her of that. She talks of how horrible Penelope Blossom is, well she sent an incredibly vulnerable person back to her and her tyranny. And believe me, I’ve spent time at the manor, and with Cheryl, and Penelope is 100 times worse than what you know.” 

She paused, taking a breath, composing herself and preparing to address her mother directly in a way she felt she hadn’t in so long now, 

“Look, Mom, I know you don’t agree with everything that I’ve done, and I know you’re annoyed about this stupid plan you had about the Andrew’s and now I’m not with Archie (not that I was ever really into that to begin with)” she added under her breath, “But I’m not trying to hurt you, I made friends, good friends in Betty and Kevin and everyone, and yeah, we got involved in some stuff, but that’s past us now. Now I’m just trying to live a regular teen high school life and figure out my future. Sure, you don’t like Cheryl, got it. And although you may have ruined what I had just started to build with her, I care about her. I really do, and I’m not going to let you stop me from being there for a person who is so buried in sadness and self loathing when she literally has no one else.”

Veronica was done. She was exhausted, fighting this same fight over and over again. She got up from the table, picking up her plate and glass with her. 

“And, you know what Mother, you were the one who taught me that. To not give up on people, and to be empathetic in any way you can. You taught me to be kind and to be strong. Don’t let your pride cloud the person who made me that, who remade me into that when I got lost in mine”.

With that she was gone. It’s not how she had wanted the first dinner together as a family to go, but Hermione had spent a good 15 minutes spouting hate and basically ranking herself as good and golden and head bitch of Riverdale all at the same time, and Veronica had had enough of it. There was a chance for a fresh start of a different kind here, with their family, if they could work through all these messed up issues they had and find a way to be a unit again, Veronica would feel the best and most stable she had in a long, long time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (also Hiram and his relationships with Hermione and Veronica will be explored more soon, as although he's gonna be kinder than the show has painted him as, there's still some things that need to be dealt with -- also also cheryl and veronica interaction is coming i also promise that, a little in the next couple and then we'll get a much heavier cheronica dose for ya) THIS IS BECOMING SO MUCH MORE SLOW BURN THAN I ORIGINALLY PLANNED SORRY


	11. In confiding.

Veronica had finally got her act together and asked Kevin if he wanted to get coffee. She felt like her weekend had been a mix of extreme highs, lows and successful ignoring of all her worries. So having this moment separate from everything or to reflect on everything was definitely needed. She had got there early, nervously sipping on her second coffee of the day as she waited. She wasn’t really sure why she was nervous, maybe it was because the last interaction her and Kevin had had was in the hallway when he had found her reaction to everything Cheryl related somewhat questionable, or maybe it was just because it felt like she hadn’t done something this normal in so long, just coffee with a friend, nothing more complicated.

Kevin entered the shop a few moments later, in his usual put together but always slightly stressed manner, as if he was perpetually running 5 minutes later than he should. He sat across from Veronica with a sigh as she pushed the other coffee on the table over to him.

“Your usual?” she commented, nodding toward the coffee.

“You are the greatest”. Kevin smiled as he took a sip from the beverage she had got him in a to-go cup when she had first arrived to make sure it was still warm.

There was a silence between them after that, just for a few seconds, but Veronica immediately started to get anxious. What if they didn’t have anything to say to each other? What, if after all they’d been through, they just weren’t friends outside of manic murder investigation related times?

Then Kevin broke the silence with a careful,

“How are you, Veronica?” He paused, taking time to choose his words, “I don’t really know what’s been going on in your life. I mean, I heard about your father, but other than that…” He trailed off.

“It’s- It’s umm, I’m okay. It’s been a strange weekend having him back, and all of us in such a tiny space too. But, I don’t know, it’s been good and bad…” She paused, not sure if she should elaborate or not, not wanting to lump everything on him at once, but he nodded at her encouragingly, sensing she had more to say. 

“Bad because, you know, there’s our past and all that, like I don’t even know if he knows everything about Ethel and her father, so that has to be touched on, and that’s not just something I can sweep under the rug. But, the evening he got back, he actually defended me against my mother. It wasn’t anything big, but it meant something considering the last few weeks. Although that didn’t really help to stop me flying off the handle a little later on.” She looked a little sheepish, urging Kevin to make sure he heard the rest of the story.

“Oh, a Veronica Lodge off the handle is one of my favourite kinds of Veronica, please do tell!” He joked and Veronica laughed along with him until she remembered what it was she had actually had to defend. Kevin noticed this shift, his smile dropping a little.

“Hey, it’s okay if you don’t want to, I wasn’t trying to push or pry or anything. What goes on in your family is your business, but also know I’m not gonna judge.” He gently encouraged.

Veronica took a breath, those nerves were making an appearance again.

“It was about Cheryl.” She rushed out before she could stop herself again, “Well, kinda, I mean, my Mother was going off about a whole lot of things, being her re-found bitchy self. But it’s mostly about Cheryl, and me making choices she doesn’t “approve” of.” Veronica punctuated her explanation with air quotes and an eye-roll.

“Oh. And what kind of choices might these be? I haven’t really seen you do anything wild since the club a little while ago, but even then Hermione didn’t really make a big deal out of it right?” He questioned.

“I don’t know, she suddenly just seems to have it out for Cheryl or the Blossom’s in general, no matter how much I try to tell her that Cheryl is absolutely nothing like the rest of them, or her mother I guess. You know she stayed at mine the night— well, when she fell through the ice. Well she was so- gosh I don’t know how to explain it—“ she cut herself off, running her hands through her hair, sighing, embarrassed at herself, she knew she was probably blushing a little, especially if Kevin’s little smirk was anything to draw from. 

She laughed quietly at this situation she had got herself in, not quite understanding or wanting to understand the reason for the rapid thumping of her heart, but deciding to lean into it right now, this was a safe space, Kevin was safe, she could do this.

She took a deep breath, calming herself a little.

“She was the softest I’ve ever seen her, she was so sad and all she wanted, I think all she’s ever wanted is for someone to just care for her, to give her something to grab on to. She told me things about herself and Jason and how their life had been… It was just, despite everything that had happened, it was a really beautiful night. She was really beautiful, she is. I just wanted to help her, to stay with her and make sure she never has to feel the way she did that night or those years of her life in that house ever again. She kept apologising and thanking me for being there for her and it was as if she had never had anyone care in the slightest before… It just made me so sad.” her voice broke off a little, she paused again,

“And that night, she stayed over and she clung to me, as if she was afraid of waking up to no one again. And yeah, then the next day my mother came home and kicked her out, just like that, I was out for maybe an hour and she forced her to leave, I still don’t know what she said, she keeps trying to defend herself and say it was for my own good, but I don’t believe it in the slightest, I have no idea what’s going through her mind. And well, then you know the rest, Cheryl went back to Pembroke, burnt down her house and I haven’t seen or heard from her since. Not the happiest of endings.”

She was shaking. She felt so vulnerable, like she had revealed way too much. She took her now cold coffee mug to her lips and took a sip, just for something to do with her restless hands as she waited for Kevin to say anything.

“Wow. Okay, that’s a lot to digest V. First of all, that’s the shittiest thing for you mother to do. Gosh, she knew what Cheryl had been through…” He shook his head, “And I’m really sorry she’s being so unbearable. Yeah, I can’t imagine having your dad thrown into the mix right now is doing much good… I am glad for you though, and for Cheryl, that you both had that time, she obviously desperately needed it, and probably still does, and you’re one of the only people who can give her what she needs. I’ve seen you two when you were at your best with one another, and it’s wonderful. I’m glad to hear you’re fighting for it, I’m just sad it has to be with your own mother.” He stopped for a moment, as if unsure about what he was going to say next, but ultimately deciding to take a chance. 

“Look, when I came out to my father it wasn’t exactly a walk in the park. It may seem like it now, as you know he’s all kinds of supportive. But it wasn’t the idea of my life he had cooked up in his mind since I was a child. Sure that’s no excuse for shitty behaviour, I mean, love your child unconditionally and all that jazz. I’m only saying this because sometimes I think parents have a hard time when their child diverges from the path they had in mind. You mention your mother keeps questioning your choices, maybe there’s something in that. You’re growing up, she has ideas of who you should be and you have ideas of who you are, I’m not saying this is a sexuality thing or comparable to that in any way if that’s not even a little of what’s going on at all, but you’re both women with strong opinions and a desire to get what you want, whatever the argument may boil down to, I think those things probably play a role.”

Veronica took a moment, playing with the unused sugar packets on the table, trying to collect her thoughts that were running uncontrollably fast through her mind. Kevin had somehow managed to hit at least part of the nail on the head, one way or another. Veronica was feeling some of those things, she agreed with some of those things. She felt as though there were a lot of thoughts and feelings she had pushed so far back in her mind, focussing on everything going on around her and not really addressing. There were times when they had slipped through, when she had held Cheryl that night, when she had found out she had gone, when she saw her on the ice before it all and all she could do was scream and beg because she couldn’t bear to lose her… 

“You’re right. On pretty much everything.” She gathered some bravery, “I do feel some of those things, and I do think me and my mother are continually destined to butt heads. I think maybe when I didn’t go through with her plan with Archie and being with him that pushed her over the edge, and seeing Cheryl there and how I was with her… I don’t know.” 

Gosh, this was terrifying, Veronica felt so vulnerable, so out of sorts. 

“It is… about sexuality… somewhat, to me, in my mind, maybe” she stuttered out, “But I can’t focus on that right now, not with Cheryl, it’s so much more complicated and her actually being okay is more important than anything going on with me.”

Kevin quickly interrupted;

“Okay, I agree with some of that V, but don’t use Cheryl as an excuse for pushing your thoughts and feelings aside, you're important too okay.” He made sure to meet her eyes, “And, thank you for sharing that, I know it’s not easy at all.” Kevin was smiling gently at her and Veronica couldn’t help but laugh in response.

“Yeah, noo”, she smiled down at the mess she had made of the sugar packets, brushing what she had spilled onto the floor. She felt a little lighter, that maybe now, with having opened up to Kevin a little, that she could confide some of her, what she thought of as, silly thoughts with him, without worrying about the more dire consequences of the situations she had found herself in.

“I miss her though..” she couldn't help herself, she was still smiling though, all coy and shy looking.

“Awwh,” Kevin put his hand to his chest, half sincere and half mocking, “My little Ronnie, all lovestruck over the bitchy head cheerleader, I feel like I’m playing the most integral best friend part in a terrible lesbian teen film. I love it!”

Veronica swatted at him, “Shut up!”

“No, seriously, I get it V, you had Cheryl all damsel-like and emotional up in your ivory tower and now you miss that.” he grinned, raising an eyebrow.

“Is that supposed to be a euphemism?” Veronica questioned.

“I don’t know, should it be?” Kevin responded, now going for a double eyebrow lift, and Veronica was back at trying to swat him across the table again.

“Okay, we’re done now. Changing the subject drastically!” Veronica would never let anyone know that Kevin had her blushing a little with that comment, nope not a soul. 

“So, how are you doing?” she asked, wanting to make sure she returned the favour of attempting to give Kevin a hand in whatever was going on in his life. She was so glad they'd made this happen, the freedom, confidant, and laughter was exactly what she had needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK FOREVER (this is longer than usual and the next chapter should be up quick to make up for it) I'M ALSO SORRY THIS IS SO MUCH OF A SLOW BURN i wasn't expecting it either, but it just happened... There's a lot to explore with these characters and I feel like maybe jumping into a relationship would not have been right, so here we are, possibly around 4 - 5 chapters at the most and then they'll be back to all lovey-dovey together... that's the plan anyway. Thank you so much to everyone for reading. I love you all for being here and leaving your thoughts, makes me so happy! (especially helpful with this sad-filled fic that gets difficult to write at some points) :)


	12. In searching.

Today was the day. Monday morning. It was a cold frost filled day, Cheryl had woken up to condensation on the windows and followed with a shower far too long as she tried to soak in all the heat she could before stepping out again. She watched the people of Riverdale leave their homes and begin their mornings from her 6 stories high view from the hotel; seeing the billows of breath mingling with the mist already present in the air as the residents started their journeys to work and school. She hadn’t woken up this early in a while, getting lethargic in her trapped state, she had been staying up all night with her thoughts, feeling out of Penelope’s grasp at that time, and sleeping late into the day. But last night sleep hadn’t really come at all.

Her mother was letting her return to school today, and Cheryl was feeling a mixture of terror and excitement. She was so happy to be leaving these small rooms, to be able to breathe a little, but she was terrified to find out what she would meet when she walked back through the doors at Riverdale High. 

She was terrified of if- no, when she would see Veronica. She didn’t know where they would be standing with each other at all now. Cheryl knew the reason for her nerves in this department were mostly her doing, her fault. Veronica’s texts had been kind, they had been caring, and worried, and she felt infinitely bad for her lack of response. They had been a lifeline to her at the beginning of the week, when she had been even more lost in her mind and crushed under her mother’s thumb. Her first problem with responding had been that she hadn’t known what to say, that the question ‘are you okay?’ was becoming the most difficult thing for her to answer, and then the issue came in typical Penelope fashion as she had caught Cheryl looking through photos of her and Veronica from when she had stayed over, and her Betty and Josie from cheerleading, and, shouting about bad influences, had snatched it away and it had yet to find its way back to her. Serves her right for being all sentimental and such… So yeah, that virtual lifeline had been ripped from her too, not just the physical one when Hermione had had her way. 

“Cheryl! You had better be up! The car is leaving in 10 minutes and you will be in it whatever state you’re in. But for your sake that better be as put together as required.” Penelope’s voice boomed through her door, berating her before she could even begin to defend herself, what a surprise.

Instead of answering Cheryl just opened the door, stared blankly at her mother for a second; dress perfect, hair perfect, make-up perfect, letting her see it all, before brushing past her to grab a banana and stride out the door. Not a word spoken. Cheryl couldn’t, not today. 

The silence continued in the car. Cheryl wouldn’t let the facade crack she kept telling herself. She wouldn’t let herself appear weak, wouldn’t have the faces in the hallways full of pity. Nothing would be more embarrassing to her. 

She stopped. She was outside the main entrance of the school. She took a second, took a couple of calming breaths, then with all her might, and a face so stern Medusa would seem like an adorable puppy in comparison, she swung both doors open with a flair only she could have, and took her first step inside.

 

You’d think the hallways were silent with the way her heels clacked against the floor, and they were getting there, the volume of general chatter lowered as she strode through the crowds, deciding her best bet was to make eye contact with anyone she could, in an act of defiance, and combatting their stares before they even had a chance to make them. She felt okay, sure it was the most fake she had ever been, the facade the most far removed from her reality, on par with how she had been after Jason, but she was doing okay. Walking in strong paces to a beat she had pounding in her head, or maybe it was her heart. 

Then, as she got about half way down, her stride faltered, she saw them before they saw her, a little huddle outside the locker she knew was Betty’s, a blonde, brunette, and a stupid hat, it seemed like slow motion as they turned toward her. First Jughead, looking over Betty’s shoulder, then Betty following his eye line, then Veronica, turning her head and then her body as she realised who was causing this hush in the usual morning hum. Veronica seemed to freeze, her face impossible to read as she looked Cheryl up and down before actually making eye contact. Cheryl’s motion stuttered again, slowing. Veronica’s brow furrowed, and she took just one step forward.

Cheryl made a sharp turn, spinning herself off down a convenient hallway to the left that she definitely had no reason to go down other than the push from the rising panic in her chest. 

That beat she had been walking to before was now scattered, staccato, and bordering on a melody only improvisational jazz could match. Her staggered paces were the polar opposite of her confident stride just moments ago, swapping a brightly lit bustling hallway for one bathed in shadow and the flicker of old florescent lights on their last legs. It felt right really.

This side of the school was basically unused, containing only a couple of old science labs and a hall they had abandoned after remodelling the one in the main wing. Now this part of the complex was only used for rare double booked gym classes or cheer practices when the rest of the rooms were full, and Cheryl appreciated that unbelievably in this moment. She found a room with a window in the door so she could make sure there would be no one to witness what she was sure was to be an inevitable breakdown the moment she was alone. And soon enough she found herself crumpling down on the floor behind one of the lab desks, she had no choice, the chairs were long gone to other purposes.

Cheryl wasn’t sure about why she had reacted so drastically and immediately in the way she had, just from seeing Veronica. It was as if a switch had been flipped and she short circuited right in the middle of the hallway, unable to keep that facade when the wires were crossed. Was that what just being around Veronica did to her? Is that what it was going to be like after last weekend, after she had revealed just a little more of herself and had given in to just being content in Veronica’s arms for one night? Gosh, she had only let her guard down for one night, only given into these desires for one moment when she found herself in dire need of… just something. Her. But now it was coming back to bite her. If being vulnerable meant a lack of control whenever she was around the people she had let in, she could maybe see a little bit of sense in her mother’s dramatic aversion to it. Because lack of control, the only control Cheryl ever felt she had; her own body in these hallways, among her peers, sure it was partially governed by her mother’s wishes, but it was her doing, it was her actions, and a part of her didn’t want to lose that. 

Or maybe she had just been conditioned to have an allergic reaction to pity, to vulnerability, to hope. Yeah, that was just as likely with the Blossom lineage. 

 

Unbeknownst to Cheryl, Veronica had been having some similar thoughts in the minutes and, later hours as she laid attempting to sleep, that followed that not quite meeting in the hallway. Questioning herself, maybe a little less than Cheryl following that enlightening coffee with Kevin, about the severity of her emotional response to just seeing Cheryl again. Betty had looked on a little confused by this interaction, all that she had heard through the grapevine was that something had gone on between Cheryl and Veronica and we were no longer hating on Cheryl in any way and we kind of had to tread carefully around V at this time. She got the no hating on Cheryl, 100%, the fact that people were actually talking about it as if it was a surprising fact that had to be reiterated shocked Betty, of course they weren’t going to be cruel to her, they were on the ice, she had seen it all. The sadness, the desire to fall through, to break her way through, the complete dedication and almost desire in her eyes to fall, to be reunited with Jason. So yes, Betty understood it all, what she didn’t understand, was what exactly had gone on between Veronica and Cheryl that could make them react in this strange, tense, and ultimately drastic way on Cheryl’s behalf. Betty knew there was a lot going on with Veronica too, and with the relative downtime in her own life, aside from the whole brother mystery and the usual parents drama, Betty found herself not understanding why she hadn’t managed to sit down with Veronica for just an hour and catch up. Maybe they could manage that later in the week, although Veronica hadn’t exactly been the most receptive to her lately, after that weekend evening at Pop’s. 

Betty watched as Veronica went to go after Cheryl, taking a few steps, then stopping, unsure. She turned back to Betty and Jughead, and opened her mouth as if to say something. She looked nervous, nothing like the time she had sprinted after Cheryl on the football pitch to comfort her that day that seemed so long ago now. No, this was tentative Veronica, Veronica who didn’t want to overstep. But you could see in her eyes, her tense arms and shoulders, and the way her feet were twisting on the linoleum, uncharacteristically jumpy, that all she wanted to do was run down that hallway and hold Cheryl, give Cheryl the chance to be held like she had that night. Veronica looked down, taking a few seconds in stillness, contemplating, then turned again. She started a bold stride right down the hallway, and out the double doors onto the quad. The sound of them slamming shut shocking Betty and Jughead, making them jump, even though the hum of the hallways had started up again, the emotion behind that slam cut sharply through it all.


	13. In support.

So, it had been Jughead who had, as soon as those double doors slammed behind Veronica, taken the initiative and made his way down that hallway Cheryl had gone moments before. Leaving Betty alone in her own growing confusion outside her locker. 

Cheryl felt like she had been sitting on the cold floor of that classroom for at least an hour now, it probably wasn’t, but, embarrassingly, however length of time it had been, it had been filled with tears. Apparently her tear ducts hadn’t been burnt out along with Thornhill or trapped in Pembroke after all. Damnit. 

That moment of breaking down had taken it out of her so much, that she felt there must have been hours of it. She was beginning to quell her breathing, but in reality since she had only been crying for a few minutes, it wasn’t the easiest thing to do. She still had a lot more emotion in there, bottled up and needing some way out. It was all at war inside of her, one side versus another, let go or keep it all tied up, to protect whatever she felt she had left of her self control. She was seconds away from giving up on the breathing part and just letting herself break again (only for a moment, just a tiny bit) when the door slowly creaked open.

Cheryl was immediately torn. Who would have followed her? Veronica? She equally couldn’t bear it to be Veronica and wished for it so greatly. She tensed, waiting for the inevitable confrontation, and subsequent embarrassment, by whoever it may be.

“Cheryl?” 

It was Jughead.

Jughead. 

The one she’d flipped on in the cafeteria and who stood there and took it, understanding in every part of him why she needed it. Jughead who had had his family torn up and displaced so many times that he had no idea what it meant to be static or connected. And Jughead who, when seated around a table at Pop’s with Veronica, Betty and Archie last weekend, had been the only one to actually ask how she was. Cheryl didn’t know all of that of course, though, she knew enough to lower her defences just a little. To not immediately snap at him or just stay silent, hunched behind the table until he went away.

“Cheryl are you in here?” Jughead’s voice came again.

She took a shaky breath, moving to wipe away as many hints of tears left behind that she blindly could.

“Yeah.” she managed.

Jughead rounded the lab station she was hidden behind as she tried to straighten herself up a little, correcting her posture both because of old HBIC habits and because she was anxious about how much of a mess she looked, and if she couldn’t fix the inevitable mascara tracks down her cheeks, she could at least look as if she was centred and controlled in some way. 

Jughead looked at her, at the glassy look of her eyes and however tightly her hands were gripping the edge of her top, they were shaking. He made the decision to sit down, he didn’t want to loom over her, didn’t want to do anything to make her feel overpowered or inferior. Nothing to make the anxious tightening of her jaw even more unbearable.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I mean I know there are some pretty great places to set yourself up in down these parts of the school, especially if you like the creepy, also slightly bad smelling, ghost of students past aesthetic, but you’re not usually one to opt for the shadows.” He said this with a little bit of a smile, trying and, well, somewhat succeeding to break the ice between them. Jughead could be as equally awkward, if not more so, than Cheryl, or at least how Cheryl felt inside. (She was really good at that front.)

“Yeah,” she replied in a, now typical for her, emotionless manner. “Well, ghosts and shadows and everything of an unusual manner seem to be common features in my life right now. Maybe I’m just used to it.” she scoffed a little, rolling her eyes.

“I mean you're probably better off down here, the hallway lights are pretty florescent. Doesn’t do anyone any favours.” was his response before pausing, “You wanna talk about any of these ghosts?” he asked carefully.

Cheryl didn’t know what to do. How could she just suddenly let all the mess inside her mind spill out after that casual question? Did she event want to? Was the fact that she was thinking about ‘how’ a sign that maybe she did? Maybe just a little of it? The surface of the mess. Not too deep, not too dark. Nothing he’d be too interested in and start a new novel about. Cautious. Careful. Controlled. That’s what she had to stick by now.

“Did Veronica send you?” were the words she found escaping her mouth unexpectedly. 

Did she really want to know?

“No.” he replied.

No, she hadn’t wanted to know, not if it was going to be a ‘no’.

“Oh. Okay.” she stuttered out quietly, disappointment evident. Jughead tilted his head a little in question, but ultimately decided not to comment on that reaction for now, just storing away all these Veronica/Cheryl related facts and interactions for later, if or when Cheryl was feeling confident and comfortable enough to speak with him.

“I just thought you might want to talk to someone who at least understands a little of what you’re going through. I could be wrong though, on both the understanding and the wanting to talk… But if any of those things sound plausible I’ll just be sitting here, y’know, until first period at least…”

He trailed off, sounding half like the awkward usual Jughead, and half as if he was bating her, tapping into that competitiveness of who could sit there still and silent for the longest when they both knew they had things they wanted to say. She appreciated that. Jughead settled in, leaning back against the table and got out his phone. Cheryl glanced over, he was reading a series of texts from a questioning Betty, starting with and ‘are you okay?’, to, ’are you with Cheryl?’, ‘is Cheryl okay?’, ‘is Veronica okay?’, ‘Am i missing something…?’, and ending with, ‘I’m gonna go find Veronica.’. Jughead had a little smile playing on his lips in a way that showed his amusement and love for the woman behind the messages. Cheryl felt a wave of jealousy, and a little bit of happiness for them, but she’d never admit it, not to those two, they were far too good at gloating.

 

Meanwhile, as Cheryl and Jughead battled in and with silence, Veronica had made her way out onto the quad, wandering onto the playing field behind the main buildings, trying to sift through her messy thoughts and figure out what was making her that on edge and angry in this moment. 

Well, it was Cheryl. Or her reaction to Cheryl. Or Cheryl’s reaction to her. She was so frustrated. She wanted to be able to shake herself about and have the correct thought to rectify the situation just fall out, then she could be done with it. She liked Cheryl. She liked her liked her, that was something that talk with Kevin had cleared up. Somehow, someway, she had feelings for her. But, as she had said then, she didn’t feel as though she could deal with them, she didn’t feel like those high school crush type of feelings were gonna be any help toward a Cheryl that was dealing with everything she was dealing with. Just in comparison, in the scale of it all, it just seemed to minuscule, so unimportant. And yet, it was probably the main thing that was tearing Veronica up inside. She needed to be there for her, to help, to hold her again. But Cheryl had run, and had been forced to run out by her mother. Veronica didn’t know what Cheryl wanted in this situation, and with how much she was surely trapped under Penelope’s thumb and so unpracticed in making decisions for her own happiness. Veronica couldn’t be sure what she wanted at all right now. It wasn’t the right time. But oh how she wanted it to be. 

If she thought about it too much, she could see how she had, probably to her detriment, tangled her feelings, and any or all thoughts she had about her sexuality, up in Cheryl. And Cheryl’s troubled life. She wasn’t giving herself a chance to detach from all the drama and just float in all that confusion for a little while…

“Veronica?” Betty’s voice surprised her, making her jump as she had quietly come up behind her in a poor attempt not too startle her. 

“Hey, sorry” she said with a soft smile, her hand still resting on Veronica’s shoulder as had been her form of announcing her presence. “I just wanted to check on you, you stormed out of there with quite the dramatic flair.” Betty’s voice was light and gentle, and Veronica decided that was exactly what she needed for this moment.

“Well, you know me, I get my inspiration from the Bronte sisters and the dramatic monologues from the original 90210” Veronica quipped, letting a little grin start to appear at the banter just like old times. 

Betty laughed, rounding Veronica to walk beside her as they carried on the lap of the pitch Veronica had started, taking her arm as Veronica had on one of their very first days of knowing each other. She was determined to help fix whatever had caused both Cheryl and Veronica to run from each other, with none of the usual competitive drama they all got a little enjoyment out of, and just wallow in a kind of sadness instead. They all needed to be there for Cheryl, she so clearly realised that now, but Veronica needed them too. No one really knew what was going on in either of their heads, but they knew they needed to be there, for shoulders to cry on and for all the supportive words they could manage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOODNESS I AM SO SORRY it has been so long! I kinda lost my way with all this for a bit, but I'm gradually getting my flow back (i really hope) this chapter isn't the best, and is more of a set up for the next couple, but I'm pushing through so we can get to the good stuff and so i don't feel tempted to give up. THANK YOU so much for reading and I'll try my hardest to keep the promise of not taking too long next time!


	14. In disclosure.

“Can I ask you a question?” Cheryl asked as she turned to Jughead. They had moved outside now, hidden away under the bleachers instead of being in first period. 

Once Cheryl had broken the silence earlier she hadn’t really known what to say, so they had sat there a little longer until Jughead, although slightly amused with Cheryl’s physical reaction of gesticulating with her hands angrily whilst trying to find the right words, had suggested they take a walk to help her clear her head. They had ducked under the bleachers after spotting Betty and Veronica walking along the edge of the field, Cheryl dramatically diving under them whilst Jughead laughed, following much more calmly behind.

“Sure.”

“You and Betty… You very quickly became a thing. Sorry if I’m wrong, but you didn’t really seem like the type for a relationship, especially with someone who comes off as so much of your polar opposite as she does?”

“True, I guess. What are you asking?” Jughead responded, always taking his time to think over what Cheryl had said, but always giving her the chance to form her own questions, to make sure she kept the control over what she was trying to say. He figured she was using questions she had about their relationship as a form of distraction, maybe there was something deeper in it, but he was more than willing to let her escape some of the darker spaces in her mind for a little while.

“I just— You seemed really averse to it all, romance or sex or anything I don’t know, I kind of thought maybe that wasn’t something you ever wanted? Did that change, is that something that can change? Or was Betty just someone who you fit with, that she makes you comfortable and I don’t know, like everything’s okay. Whatever that ‘everything’ is?” 

Cheryl was getting a little lost in her head, staring off across the field where the two girls had stopped walking now, facing each other. Cheryl could just make out Veronica’s head over Betty’s shoulder, and even though she knew they couldn’t see them, she felt like they were making eye contact all this way apart as she talked about comfort and feeling safe. What a coincidence, right?

“Okay, I’ll lay it all out for you, the history of Jughead Jones and Betty Cooper, yes, perceived polar opposites, not unlike Romeo and Juliet, from opposite sides of town, the Southside Serpent and the preppy rich girl—“

“Alright, alright, I get it. Get on with it Nicholas Sparks.” Cheryl interrupted with a smile. Jughead laughed back at her.

“Right, okay. So I didn’t change for her or anything, per se, I don’t think that’s something that you can change, just a part of who I am. I’m not really interested in sex I guess. Romance is different to me, and me and Betty definitely have that. I’ve always cared about her, for years, even since we stopped being as close and the group we were with Archie. Betty, she isn’t the same really, sex is something she is interested in, but she’s okay if I don’t want to do the same things or have her touching me, you know. I guess. We started off different, I was changing myself to fit into what I thought she wanted, sex wise, anything-wise really. It wasn’t right. But over time we’ve talked and just opened up more and more to each other, and here we are. We’re strong and we’re close, friends first always. I’m happy with her and we respect and care for one another, always making sure we’re comfortable.” 

He paused before continuing, looking back over to Cheryl on his left, catching her watching him so intently, hanging on every word. 

“I think when you’re interested in someone, no matter what the circumstances, the most important thing is respect. If the other person doesn’t respect you or have your best interests at heart, then they’re not worth it. Me and Betty work because we want each other to be both our best selves and our most comfortable selves. We’re on each other’s team. That’s what it’s all about.” He was smiling in that same adorable way as earlier, looking over at Betty as Cheryl had been at Veronica just a few minutes before.

“Can I ask you why you’re asking this?”

Cheryl couldn’t control yet another of the many sighs that had been escaping her body lately as she thought about things like this, all these swirling muddling things that were crashing into each other in her head. 

* * *

 

Over on the other side of the field, Betty was laughing along with Veronica who was regaling her with a story Kevin had told her when they had met for coffee when she realised she had to say something.

“Veronica,” she started, “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.” 

Veronica stopped walking, turning so they were facing each other. This was an unexpected turn in the conversation. From laughter to a sudden smile drop on Betty’s part, then this.

“We haven’t really seen each other that much recently,” Betty continued, taking a deep breath, “and I feel a little like I got too wrapped up in myself and trying to fuse everything back together as quickly as I could post the Jason stuff and …other familial revelations. I think I needed, and I need, to take a step back. I’m not being a good friend and I’m not treating myself in a healthy way either…” She trailed off.

“Umm, wow, I don’t really know what to— I wasn’t expecting that. I understand what you mean though. We all went through a hell of a lot in the last few months. You, Betty, with everything from your sister and you parents, then Jason, and well, now that bombshell they just dropped on you. I think, it’s good that you're thinking about what’s healthy and not.” Veronica put a hand on Betty’s arm, “And, to be honest, I have really missed you and what we had before everything went completely to shit. It’d be nice to have each other to talk to again.” Veronica smiled at her.

Veronica was telling the truth. Mostly. Of course she had missed Betty, she had fought so hard for their friendship, the dream friendship for her, and she meant so much to her… But she would be lying if she felt like they could just jump back in. Both of them, had made some choices that had caused them to drift further and further apart recently, and it was going to take some time to fix that. They hadn’t ever really started off on the right foot anyway. 

One thing that was holding Veronica back though, was all these revelations about her sexuality. Well, revelations only in the fact that she was actually admitting them to herself, she had had feelings for girls in the past of course, but New York was so different, and she’d been the mean girl, she didn’t have the time for that. And she didn’t want to take a risk and have herself knocked off the high horse she was on running the school back then. She didn’t have the words for it still, but she was getting there, she knew how she felt, that she sometimes liked women, that she liked Cheryl, and that was enough for her right now. It was too much to push it. 

What she didn’t know though, was how Betty would react. She wouldn’t be cruel or anything, her best friend had been Kevin at one point after all. She wasn’t homophobic. No, but Veronica had kissed her. That made it a little more awkward, even if it was only Veronica who might think that way. And sometimes, well she’d heard the stories, seen people come out to their female friends online, sometimes when it was a girl who wasn’t straight, girls really didn’t like that. They’d be all best buddy-like with their gay male friends, but a flip would switch when they were female, when they had been intimate in any way. A double standard. Veronica was worried about how Betty would react, even just in response to being left out of this part of Veronica that she had shared with Kevin before her. She was probably just thinking the worst, but she couldn’t help it. Any thoughts in her past about her sexuality had always been tied up with negative things, from losing her spot as head bitch, to how her family would react, especially those of an older generation, Catholic raised, and now Riverdale, she wasn’t white, she was a woman, and now she wasn’t straight. She was already singled out in so many ways, did she really want to add this on top of it all?

“I’ve really missed you too!” Betty interrupted her internal monologue with an enthusiastic hug before starting a new round of questioning. And it’s not that Veronica didn’t appreciate it, she was just having a bit of trouble focussing. Then Betty turned the conversation to her family, asking about her father, Veronica settled on that, that she could talk about. How shit it was at home right now, how her parents were flip flopping at a rapid pace between so happy and romantic and reunited to arguing about her and bringing up old Riverdale rivalries that they still hadn’t managed to get over, and how it all felt like another mess she didn’t want to have to deal with. She told Betty all this, and how she wanted to focus on herself and that she needed to have a bit of stability to do so, but that felt so far out of reach right now. And in Betty’s defence, she listened and she tried her best to give advice from her own experience with familial struggles, and it did feel like a little bit of the weight on Veronica’s shoulders was lifting, that if she could share that much, sharing a little more could get easier, and even if she couldn’t, just getting all her worries out about all that could help her find a little bit of the stability she needed to focus on some of the other questions floating in her head. 

Then, just as Veronica had a smile on her face once again, feeling more relaxed than she had done in a while, thinking about how she had both Kevin and Betty to turn to now, the bell went for second period. For a class that just so happened to be Biology. And one in which she just so happened to be lab partners with Cheryl Blossom. Oh how quickly the anxiety ramped up again. And as they made their way inside she wondered if she’d show today.

* * * 

Back under the bleachers Cheryl had been sorting through her thoughts, well, she had attempted it, but ended up just letting most of it go, it was just easier that way. To spill it all and maybe worry about it later…

“I’m a bit of a mess really.” she started “I always have been, but I’m just now realising the extent of it; how my family treated me and in a way how they still are. I need to deal with so much, I need to get away from things, but I also need to face things if that makes sense?” she paused, her eyes once again drawn across the field, tracking Betty and Veronica as they had started wandering again before continuing.

“And then you throw the cliche factor of liking someone into all that. Someone so unexpected and not at all what your mother would approve of - already doesn’t approve of - and I just- I’m at a bit of a loss. I don’t feel like I can really be loved by anyone, not how I am now, not without making some drastic changes, and I don’t know, it just made me wonder about you and Betty and how it all worked. Sorry if I asked too much, sorry if I’ve said too much…” 

Cheryl was feeling anxious now, embarrassed at all the confessions that had been spilling out today. This, she was not used to at all, and Jughead was the last person she ever thought she would be spilling the contents of her mind to. But his presence was comforting, his voice always soft, and, with him there was no worry, no risk of anything meaning anything ‘more’ as so many of her conversations with others had underlying them. It was refreshing. 

“It’s not really my place to say anything, to make some kind of suggestion of how to live your life. But what I can say is that it does get easier. I think you’re so right with saying you have to face these issues first before you can move past everything else and get away from those negative spaces or people. My family has always been a shitshow, you know that, but the fact that I’m a relatively stable person, a little out of the norm sure, but I think some parts of me are testament to how far someone can grow.” He stopped. Cheryl could tell he wasn’t done, but it was a necessary pause, she could feel the shift in the air as Jughead prepared for what he was about to say.

“As hard as it is to even think about right now I’m sure, Cheryl, you probably need to get some kind of professional help. I know it sounds stupid, but, and I hate to put it this bluntly, but a couple of weeks ago you lost your father, you stood on a lake of ice willing it to break and take you with it, and your home… Having comfort and someone to talk to, to give you hope, that’s important too, but you have to be ready for it, don’t jump into it as a relationship to just have something or someone to latch onto and almost self sabotage it all on your way in. That’s something I’ve learnt from me and Betty, something I don’t wish on anyone.” He paused again, and softly chuckled at himself, “Now I’m sorry if I’ve said too much. Most of that wasn’t called for…” 

Cheryl was bent over slightly beside him, elbows digging into her thighs, her hair dangling forward and blocking her face from his view, but she was shaking her head.

“No,” she started, straightening up and brushing her hair behind her ears again, “You’re right, you’re totally right.” She looked toward him and he could see she had been crying again, a couple of tears just pooling in her eyes and slowly dropping even now, she wasn’t even bothering to hide it this time. “Thank you Jughead, for being the blunt honest person you are and I so needed you to be.” she laughed, “And screw you for being so intelligent, you’ve got some good words up in that strange brain of yours. I bet your book is going to be amazing.”

And that, that meant a hell of a lot to Jughead. That Cheryl Blossom would voice her approval in such a genuine manner, not in the old expected way of only standing by the idea of a book about her family because of the spotlight it might bring. But Jughead was just beginning to see what really lay underneath all those layers and layers that the Blossom family had built up around Cheryl on her behalf, and he was happy, despite the terrible circumstances, that he got to be there for her, and try and help in a way she desperately seemed to need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading as always! CHERYL AND VERONICA WILL ACTUALLY INTERACT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER CAN YOU ALL BELIEVE IT???? (i can't)! Thanks for sticking with me even though i take so long to update... SORRY!
> 
> Come talk to and nag me on tumblr (100percentjazzedtomeetyou) or twitter (georgiarts)


	15. In planning.

It had been that talk with Jughead, after which she was reeling with the high of having spoken to someone, let some things go, and felt more in control than she had in so long, that found her making the split second decision when the bell rang that she was going to Biology, that she was going and she was going to be brave. What did she have to lose at this point? 

So here she was, standing outside the door as the class settled inside, looking through the small panel of glass at Veronica sitting alone at their desk, dragging her pen absentmindedly across a page in her notebook. She was stock still in the hallway when someone bumped into her in their haste to get inside the room, running late, holding the door for her on their way in. She really had no choice but to fight the nerves now, to make good on those big words of bravery she had psyched herself up with under the bleachers. She could do this. It meant too much to her not to.

Veronica didn’t react until she felt movement beside her, then with a shocked jerk of her head, she looked up in surprise, ready to shoot down the person who was trying to take the place next to her; that seat wasn’t up for grabs. Unexpectedly she didn’t have to though, because the person she felt she was hopelessly saving it for was frozen above her, looking down at her as she was back, making the most eye contact they had in weeks. Veronica found her mouth still open, as it had been in preparation to get rid of whoever was moving in next to her, as Cheryl finally shyly broke the eye contact and took her seat, gently getting out her notebook and, of course, a delicate gold pen. She shook herself into action as Cheryl turned to her again, closing her mouth and looking back down to her notebook, crossing out the date she’d written at the top and writing it again, even though it had been right before, just for something to do. She could feel Cheryl’s eyes on her, she was taking in everything, how tight Veronica’s grip on her pen was, her leg shaking nervously under the table, her jaw tense. 

“Hi.” Cheryl broke the tense, awkward air.

Veronica’s head jerked toward her again. She was so surprised that Cheryl had actually said anything, she had been ready to sit in silence for the hour without putting up a fight, content just to have Cheryl close to her again.

“Hi.” she quietly returned and was greeted with another one of those beautiful shy smiles she had received that weekend that felt so long ago. 

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry about earlier. That wasn’t alright for me to react like that.” Cheryl said, her eyes dipping in and out of contact with Veronica as her nerves got the better of her. 

“You can’t control how you react. It’s instinct or something.” Veronica replied, having spent a considerable amount of time lately thinking about how reactions work, how someone might be programmed react to someone else in a whole manner of ways, in ways that surprise even themselves… “I get it.” she continued, “Not exactly the reunion I wanted, but it’s understandable… I think.”

She said this lightly enough, not wanting to put any pressure on Cheryl, but Veronica was a little confused. She wasn’t entirely sure what had happened to shock that kind of reaction out of Cheryl, was it something going on at home? Was it something Veronica had done? Was it something else or someone else entirely? Veronica had a lot of questions, but it wasn’t like she could just suddenly blurt them all out to Cheryl, no, definitely not. Neither of them were really feeling secure enough to question anything. To each other that is. There was a whole lot of interrogation going on inside their individual minds, there was a lot of self exploration to do. 

“Well, I’m still sorry. I should have controlled myself better. You’re right, it’s not the reunion that we should have had-“

“We shouldn’t have had to have one in the first place” Veronica interrupted, mumbling, annoyed at her mother, not Cheryl, “my mother never should have— she shouldn’t have done anything. She had no right.” Veronica said this sternly, but embarrassed, ashamed of her mother.

“Well I’d like to make up for that. For both of those things.” Cheryl felt bad, she felt bad and nervous and unsure of what she was doing. The words were flowing and she wasn’t sure if she should be regretting them the moment they came out of her mouth or feeling exceedingly proud of herself for breaking her own mother’s demands so easily, for fighting against that next wave of brainwashing she had for her and just going after something she wanted for once, being selfish, in the best way possible.

“Yeah?” Veronica questioned timidly and Cheryl couldn’t help but smile again. That ‘yeah’ was said in this kind of way that no one would expect coming from the so called big wig New York City girl who had waltzed into Riverdale with a cape and a large chip on her shoulder. But Cheryl thought that this Veronica was one of the best Veronica’s, not the one that questioned herself or lacked confidence really, but the one who was gentle and bashful and thought things that brushed her cheeks with the cutest warm glow. Yeah, Cheryl’s talk with Jughead might not have had her saying much out loud, much all that clearly, but she had to battle that smog inside her mind that had been constructed by walls and walls of dry ice by the so called family that had surrounded, muffled and moulding her into anything but herself. And she was fighting back. Just by sitting beside Veronica, just by saying one sentence about something she desired, and just now by reaching over and placing a gentle hand on Veronica’s leg on the stool next to her.

“Yeah.” she confirmed.

The class had started not soon after that and Cheryl had kept her hand on Veronica’s thigh for as long as possible, Veronica placing a slightly anxious hand on top of her’s until she really had to start taking notes, but not without sneaking glances to her right the whole hour. As the bell rang Cheryl turned to Veronica who was purposely taking her time packing up her bag, Betty long gone with a friendly wave to them both as she made her way out the door. Soon it was just the two of them.

“Tomorrow, after school? I’ll tell my mom I have some cheer thing and she might believe me, she’s banned me from it, but I may be able to convince her how good it’ll look for the family and see what I can do. Did you want to head to Pop’s, or somewhere else? If you want to in general that is?” Cheryl’s nerves were back in full force as she spent more time looking at her shoes than at Veronica.

“Cheryl, I would love that so much. Don’t worry if it’s too difficult with your mother, we can work something else out.” She paused, “I don’t want you putting yourself in any _difficult situations_ ”, she stressed the words, “for me. If we can though, that’d be amazing. You pick the place, wherever you feel’s best, and I’ll be there. Promise.” she said sincerely.

Veronica sealed that promise with a touch to Cheryl’s arm, a soft squeeze that may have looked like nothing from the outside, but to both of them it meant a lot more than just a friendly move. They were hopeful and they were hoping to move forward again. Cheryl was pleading with herself to not screw it up, that she _could_ master it all; survive at home somehow even if it meant just seeing her mother at the dinner table and staying behind her bedroom door for the rest, she could continue to talk to people, to Jughead, and she could find her way into some form of help, because the darkness that was part of that smog in her mind couldn’t just disappear because Veronica’s hand had touched hers and she was smiling again. But gosh, if it wasn't a great start. 

 

***

 

When Veronica got home that evening her spirits were a whole lot higher than when she had left, so much so that they were almost cutting through the tense air that surrounded the once solid familial unit that resided there. Veronica’s father was the one who made the effort, who really noticed, or at least who was willing to talk to her about it. To try. Hermione, Veronica couldn’t understand. What had happened to them? It seemed that both of them were tiptoeing around each other solely because they weren’t actually sure at this point. Maybe there had been an issue at the start, and for sure, Veronica was not happy with how Hermione had handled many things in relation to her, but was there actually an issue, or was Hermione just too proud to give in at this point? So, anyway, it was unsurprising that it was her father who made his way into her room as she was caught humming along to something that sounded suspiciously like Kiss the Girl from The Little Mermaid.   
  


“Well, this is a nice change” Hiram Lodge commented from the doorway.   
  


“Hmm?” Veronica questioned as she continued to pick out two outfits for tomorrow, one for school, one for whatever ended up being after.   
  


“I haven’t seen my smiling, peppy, musical daughter for a long time.” He wandered in to sit on the edge of the bed.   
  


“Today was a good day” was all Veronica responded with, smiling a little coyly to herself.   
  


“Well, I won’t pressure you to talk, but it’s nice to see. And you know, if you do feel like sharing, we used to have some pretty great pizza nights together where I was probably the best confidant you could ask for, so…” he trailed off with a grin.   
  


And you can see where Veronica got that confident snark from. Veronica laughed at his attempt to be involved, it was something she had thought about a lot while he had been away. She had been caught so much between the thoughts of him as her loving, nonjudgmental, strong father, and this man she was told had done all these awful things, that had brought out the worst in her mother and torn them all apart; made Veronica close so much of herself off again. There were high highs and low lows with her father, and it was so hard to figure out where she should be within them, where she was allowed to be.   
  


“We did.” She replied softly, and stopped what she was doing, turning and leaning against her dresser for a second, “Dad, did Mom talk to you about my friend Ethel Muggs and her family?” she asked carefully.   
  


Hiram sighed, nodding his head seriously, catching up with the moment and the unexpected subject change.    
  


“She did. We talked when it happened. I should have called you then Veronica, made time to speak to you and make sure you were okay. I should have done that a lot really. But honestly, it was just easier not to, to not hear the disappointment in your voice and be reminded of the terrible father I had become. Hearing about Ethel’s father, Manfred, was a shock to the system, of how everything had gone too far… But too little too late right.” He got up and walked over to Veronica who was playing with the buttons on one of her cardigans, looking down, struggling to meet his eye. He put his hand on her shoulder, “I’m so sorry Veronica. Nothing I can do or say now will make up for what happened, to us, to the Muggs. I don’t know if I can ever make it okay, but I do know that I’m going to try and be the best father I can to you, to be better and to give back to those this scheme hurt. It was a mistake, and although it wasn’t one I made alone, or had a lot of control over when it came down to it, despite what people might say… I want to change, and I want us to find a way back to how we once were.”   
  
He stepped back, waiting for her response, hoping beyond all that they could start getting back to the family he had dreamed of for months and months again. That some of this tension could be worked through, and even if it never made it back to the greatness they had once had, that it could be better, could be easier for Veronica to be herself, to be happy again in her own home.  
  


“I think-“ Veronica started, “that we could go into town and you could buy me a very large pizza” she looked up, tears in her eyes, but a smile on her lips, “with at least 3 toppings” she laughed, before stepping forward and hugging her father properly, for the first time in at least a year. It felt wonderful. It felt like a lot of good things might be finding their way back to her today. It felt far too good to be true.   
  


So, as Hiram and Veronica stepped into the local pizzeria, getting a table for two, Cheryl was sitting on her bedroom floor. Her head resting against the door as her mother spoke on the phone to someone she didn’t know, not bothering to lower her voice at all as the conversation filtered through the gap. ‘Disappointment’, ‘out of control’, ‘trying to hurt me’, ‘she’s just a mess, lashing out, making choices that are only going to bring us down’, were her phrases of choice, topping it all off with a ‘I can’t believe she’s my daughter’. In wake of this Cheryl was trying her best not to really think at all, not to let herself react, to just focus on tomorrow. She’d hide out in here, skip dinner, pretend to be asleep when Penelope came to fetch her, she’d go to school and she wouldn’t come back until she’d seen Veronica. Focussing on that made her feel a little less terrible, and made her sleep a little longer that night, tossing and turning still, but with some light in those dark dreams as her mind filtered through the day and the people who had been there for her, who she had shared a smile with


	16. In progress.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY I'VE BEEN GONE FOR MONTHS!!! However long and difficult this is to write I am absolutely determined to finish it! Hope you enjoy and do not worry, things will be moving along a little less slow burn asap! Next chapter actuallllyyyyyy.......! Thanks once again for reading and I will try my best to never be gone for this long again!

Veronica and her father had talked for hours over unlimited refills, catching up on everything with her with Veronica convincing her father she was old enough and mature enough to hear a little about his life the past few months. She didn’t know how receptive Hermione was being and she wanted to make sure he actually had someone he could talk to if things got too much, though she doubted he would actually come to her. The Lodge’s have always been big on their pride. Eventually, after a lot of skirting around the topic from Veronica, Hiram Lodge made the choice to bring the conversation directly toward Hermione. 

“I’m just trying to understand” he began, “You and your mother have always been close, and then I come back and it seems as though you’re from completely different planets. Your mother hasn’t spoken much about it, but it can’t have been like this the whole time right? What you said at dinner my first night back, it seemed like it was a relatively new thing?” He left his questioning there for now, for Veronica to do with however she wanted.

“I’d like to understand it too” She mumbled in response, then sighed. “I don’t know, it started as her just being too anxious about you coming back and letting all these judgements or grudges she had just come to the surface I think. It maybe started earlier than that. She’s done, and tried to make me do, some questionable things recently, but we were never like this. We grew really close a little after you had gone, she was there for the people that needed help and had no qualms offering up our home to those less fortunate than us. That changed dramatically didn’t it.” Veronica scoffed.

“I see. Your mother has always been better than all of us at holding a grudge.” He laughed a little. “But it is something that we maybe need to address, you and her shouldn’t be at each other’s throats like this. You mentioned Cheryl at dinner, quite angrily, your mother kicked her out? Is that what accelerated this war between you two?”

Veronica couldn’t help the little smile that graced her lips at the mention of Cheryl, regardless of the content the conversation was aimed toward. She tried to hide it, but in the well lit window seat, there wasn’t enough shadow to disguise it from her father’s eyes.

“Oh.” Hiram started with a smile of his own, “What was once a bad situation may not be anymore?” he questioned, baited. 

“Cheryl is— she’s my friend. Mom did an awful thing to her that’s probably forced her into a way worse situation than she would have been in otherwise. Or at least it worked as a catalyst, egging her on to fight and destroy, to feel like she had no choice, that she doesn’t belong anywhere. Though most of this was going on way before Mom and I got involved I suppose. Me and Cheryl are working through things, hopefully with everything coming back round for the better with us, but I can’t forgive Mom that easily for being that cruel to her. She knew I cared for her, she knew she needed to be somewhere safe and she still decided to act on some kind of decades old grudge against the Blossoms, in defence of our “name” or something equally as stupid sounding and put Cheryl at risk of so much. If we weren’t already at a crossroads with her pushing me and Archie together when I really felt nothing then this was what pushed it all over the edge.”

Hiram took a breath, breathing it out slowly as he digested this information. He was about to respond when Veronica, with her face contorted in sorrow, started again before he could.

“Dad. She tried to end her life that day. Cheryl, she so nearly succeeded, and I know that Mom didn’t know all the information, but-“ her voice broke a little, “gosh, when I got back from that stupid meet up with Archie and everyone just because Mom wanted me to, and I found out she wasn’t there… I didn’t know what to do. I just- she means a lot to me Dad. Really a lot.” she whispered. 

Veronica didn’t know if he was getting the hint she was maybe trying to put out there, she might not have thought she was ready to come out or anything, but she did feel like she needed him to know how much Cheryl meant to her, to really grasp why she was so torn up and unable to forgive her mother for this. 

“I was so worried that she might try again and I could have helped her, I could have saved her and I-“ There were tears now. She couldn’t hold it back. “She’s so important and she needs to know that.” she finished off quietly, sniffing her way through the last of her thoughts as her father quickly made his way round the table to kneel at her side, taking her into his arms as she let it all out, sobbing there on his shoulder in the middle of the only pizzeria in Riverdale, she was feeling it all. 

“I’m so sorry sweetheart, for you and for Cheryl, we’ll do whatever we can to fix this okay? I promise if she needs it the house is open for her, anytime at all for however long, I’ll make sure of that. She’s important to you, so she should be important to us too. That’s how it should work.” Hiram rubbed her back as Veronica gradually pulled herself back together, gripping onto him tightly.

“You saw her today though right? She was the reason for the smiles and humming earlier? Things aren’t too bad for her now I hope then?” Hiram pulled back slightly, watching closely as Veronica brushed the rest of her tears away, cleaning up her cheeks.

She looked down shyly before answering.

“She asked me to see her after school tomorrow, to get dinner or something. She was so sweet… I know it’s not the right time now and maybe never will be, I really don’t know what’s going on at home for her, or even where her home is right now, but…” she paused, nerves fluttering all over the place, “If she meant it as a date I’d definitely be the happiest I’ve felt in a long time.” 

Veronica couldn’t quite make eye contact with her father, apparently the idea of coming out in some kind of way hadn’t been as deeply buried as she thought. Sure, she was shaking and almost shivering her way through a blush as she said the words, but gosh, when she did brave a look up to her father again, the smile that graced his face was worth it all. All of it and so much more.

She couldn’t help the tears again. A watery smile joining her father’s as he hugged her once again.

“All I want is for you to be happy Ronnie. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” He softly replied to her, stroking her hair as she laughed a little into his shoulder once again.

Hiram was ecstatic to be the confidant he once had been again, to be permitted a look into his daughter’s life and to be trusted enough for Veronica to open up to him. And, although Veronica went on to instruct him that she wasn’t ready for anyone else to know anything, that she didn’t really want him to talk to Hermione about all of this, he was determined to make their house a home once again, and one that Veronica could be nothing but herself in, where she and anyone else who needed it could seek out safety and acceptance in a world that was shying away from that more and more each day. He’d had his share of hiding, of being manipulated and making mistakes, he wasn’t going to wish that upon his family too. Never again, not even close.

 

* * *

 

Cheryl had successfully avoided her mother until it was time to leave for school. After hearing all she did through her bedroom door last night she was so ready to never see her again, but that didn’t really seem like an option right now, how would she ever… So, yes, she had successfully avoided and diverted the shouts thrown toward her about dinner and breakfast until she found herself nervously waiting at the table knowing she had to say something about after school, she had to make up some lie about why she wouldn’t be there otherwise everything would end up much much worse. 

Penelope’s footsteps were in the hallway now and Cheryl was trying her hardest to give herself a mental pep talk. Her mother turned the corner, placing her purse on the table so that she could shrug on her coat. She hadn’t even noticed Cheryl yet, or at least hadn’t bothered to make any eye contact.

She cleared her throat, making her aware or forcing her to acknowledge her presence. Now or never…

“Hey Mom,” she delved right in “I just wanted to talk to you about cheerleading.” 

Immediately, of course immediately, Penelope opened her mouth, instinctively ready to shut Cheryl down, she could tell, over a decade of practice will do that to you. But Cheryl had rehearsed this over and over and she wasn’t about to let it all be ruined before she had even had a chance to have her say.

“Before you say anything just know that I think that this is something that will be good for me and good for the family, you know, getting back to normal and fixing a little bit of our reputation that I broke. I’ll start sorting things out, get them back to how they were.” Cheryl quietly, but determinedly argued her case. She had decided to lean into it, the fact that, as she had overheard last night, her mother did blame her for everything. She might as well. 

All was quiet for a moment.

Penelope was considering, she hadn’t said anything yet, and it had been at least five seconds, so she was definitely considering.

“You are right about needing to fix what you ruined Cheryl. I mean look where we are in this awful hotel, none of that power we once had behind us.” Penelope’s gaze was fixed on her now and Cheryl knew this was just the beginning, she had given her an in with assuming the blame, it was all about to come out now.

“Do you know how hard I’ve been working to try and regain some semblance of fear and envy behind our name again? Damn right it’s time you put in some work too, hiding out in your bedroom mooning over pictures of people who don’t matter, who don’t even care about you, don’t want the best for you, not like your family has done all this time. You’re the one who caused this with your stupid decisions, your need for attention, to lash out against me and everything your family has worked for. Cheerleading is one thing of many I can think of Cheryl, but I guess you are right this once, it would be a good place to start.” She paused, grabbing her keys and reaching into her purse, “I expect you to put everything you’ve got into this, I’m not having my daughter just be some cheerleader, you’ll be captain again by the end of the week do you hear me? You will do whatever it takes and we will start to get somewhere.”

Penelope retrieved what she was rummaging for and subsequently Cheryl’s phone was shoved back into her hand. Cheryl was stock still after that speech, that cold tone, so done with her, it hurt, it really did, everything her Mom said to her or about her hurt her recently. Purposely so, she thought. But, all in all, she had got what she wanted. A little bit of freedom, and boy, was she ever going to run with it.

“Of course, Mother. I’ll start training back up tonight after school and call for the car when I need it.” she stated before brushing past her mother out the door as she locked up behind her, power walking down the stairs to the car as quickly as she could, just in case Penelope had any las thoughts of changing her mind.

* * *

The first thing Cheryl did when she got to school was plug in her phone using the charger she was so happy she hadn’t removed from her bag yet. While she was letting it charge a little before turning it on, she tried to figure out what she was going to text Veronica when she could. Where was she going to take her? Pop’s? No, that was too much like the campground for the rest of that cohort, and she didn’t want to risk getting interrupted or too many questioning glances as the rest of the school would inevitably wander in when she least wanted it. There was the coffee shop near the station, maybe there? It was pretty cosy and private. Wow, those thoughts made her nervous, the very fleeting picture that crossed her mind, of her and Veronica in cosy chairs or sharing one of the couches, close together and talking maybe like they had been all those weeks ago at the Lodge’s house. That was terrifying. It was almost like it was a—. No, no way, she wasn’t sure if she was going to let her mind go that far, she had started questioning and hoping in a more outright way when she had spoken to Jughead yesterday, and she thinks that maybe he knew what she was getting at as she so not obviously at all started at Veronica across the field and spoke about all things romantic and relationship and safety based. Yeah, so that was one thing, but what if she actually said it, out loud to herself or inside her mind. That felt like a totally different story. That felt real and terrifying and Cheryl doesn’t think - she didn’t think - she could ever have something like that for herself. She didn’t think she’d ever get the chance to figure out these feelings, to actually maybe have a crush on someone that was real. 

A crush. 

Okay. 

She could deal with that. 

She’d not exactly questioned herself in depth about who she liked and who she was attracted to, but she had never seen the point of it, her parents would have picked out who she married, maybe her mother still would and this would end up being one of those melancholy nostalgic things that she would look back on and it would still give her butterflies and bring tears to her eyes when she was old and even more unhappy that she is now. So, yes, she hadn’t let herself go deep inside her mind and figure out what it was she might want. Because she didn't get the chance to want, or if she did, she was never going to get so why even bother. But Cheryl knew, not from some defining moment, some big cliche epiphany, she just knew, that it wasn’t just men she was attracted to, if she was really attracted to them at all and that didn’t really scare her all that much. But that abstract feeling of attraction and longing and desire becoming real and tangible with Veronica in the picture, that was the part that was absolutely terrifying. To think of what she had to gain, and all she could possibly lose. 

Her phone was well on it’s way to being charged by the time she shook herself out of those thoughts and turned it on to see what she’d missed over the last week. It was a couple of confused messages from the lowest of the cheerleaders, little lost sheep without her, one from Jughead, who she didn’t even know had her number, letting her know that if she ever wanted to talk again like yesterday that he would be there for her. And then there were so many texts from Veronica, even two missed calls, one from the beginning of the week and one from the end, like she hadn’t wanted to pester, but was worried, and from the texts she got the chance to read through now, Cheryl knew she had been. The nerves that had been there before relating to seeing Veronica tonight hadn’t gone away, they were trying their hardest to stop her thumbs from making any of these decisions right now. But seeing the worried words, the caring words, they reignited the need for Cheryl to make all of this up to Veronica, to repay her for her kindness, and this was the only way she knew how. And, sure if there was a little selfishness in there somewhere, where she got to have Veronica all to herself for an evening, and feel almost like a normal human being again for a few hours, she was so going to take that chance. It was decided then. She continued typing, she pressed send.

She immediately threw the phone back in her bag, not wanting to resign herself to sitting and staring at the screen until those three dots appeared. 

As soon as she did so, leaning back in the chair to take a deep breath, quelling the butterflies again as best she could, the door to her left opened up and a head popped out calling out her name as it did so.

Okay butterflies, you’re getting a little too rowdy now. 

Cheryl looked around her as she rose and stepped inside the small, but comfortable room, it was early, she had made sure of it, the halls were all but empty and that comforted her no end. She was already pleased with herself and she hadn’t even said one word, but the fact that she could tell Veronica later (and Jughead whenever their next conversation may be) that she was getting help, she was doing it. That made her feel prouder than she’d felt in years. 

“So Cheryl,” the kind looking woman behind the desk that was littered with little trinkets and almost too many plants, began, “What brings you here today? I’m pretty certain, although at least two appointments have been mandatory for everyone,” she smirked a little, making Cheryl know that she meant nothing bad by it, “we haven’t had you in the counselling offices before.”

Where does she even begin?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALSO ALSO P.S. a huge thank you to cherylsbosom on tumblr for all the kind words and motivation you've given me to get back on this! You're great!

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from 'Fire and Ice' by Robert Frost, I think it fits these characters beautifully.
> 
> "Some say the world will end in fire,  
> Some say in ice.  
> From what I’ve tasted of desire  
> I hold with those who favor fire.  
> But if it had to perish twice,  
> I think I know enough of hate  
> To say that for destruction ice  
> Is also great  
> And would suffice."
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr: 100percentjazzedtomeetyou


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